Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Mike smashes car into tree outside Studio B.

At 2:26 pm on Tuesday, Mike smashed his car into a tree outside Studio B, in the city that God forgot. Sources say that Michael was caught by his co-host Ryan Lee after cheating on him with at least 13 other podcasts. During the alleged fight, Ryan chased Mike out of the house with a golf club, beating on the back window of Michael's car. Ryan had caught Mike uploading another podcast while working on Chronic Insomnia.

Ryan was able to obtain Michael's laptop and find all of the other podcasts he's been hanging around with. Officers of the City that God forgot found Michael on the driveway snoring with his cock out. Ryan told police he was trying to help Mike out of the car with the golf club, but CPN News learned later that neighbors saw Ryan swinging a golf club at an obviously stunned Michael as he entered his Datson sedan to leave the Studio.

After further investigations by CPN News, we have learned that Michael was cheating with up 13 other podcasts while also doing Chronic Insomnia. The squeaky clean image of Michael is tarnished forever. Sponsors for Michael have said they will stand by the popular Podcast presenter through these rough times.

In a press conference late this evening, Michael made a statement on his personal Facebook page.

"I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt my infidelity has caused so many of my fans. I want to say I am sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I have done, but I want to give it the old Chronic Insomnia try.

I would like to ask everyone, mostly my fans and the good people of CPN for their understanding. After much soul searching, I have decided to step away from podcasting and take an indefinite break. I need to focus attention on my podcast partner and popular comic book podcast.

I ask for privacy for my podcast partner and all involved and I am especially grateful for those who have offered free sex and handjobs in these trying times."

How will the podcasting community continue without Michael? Reports from last year when Mike took a week off of the CPN, concluded that Comic Book Podcast downloads went down at least 40% over all. What will this do to the advertisers and sponsors of the CPN? Will this spell doom for other comic book podcasts?

Dennis Twat - Associated Press



Irish Mike said...

Is it considered cheating if an individual limits their infidelities to eliminating on boards? Also, what if the old adage, "if it's oral, it's not immoral?" Were these outside relationships FULLY consumated?

Chronic Insomnia said...

It was all of the above actually. And it was definitely immoral. "I did NOT have sexual relations with that other podcast."