Thursday, June 3, 2010

An Idiots Review -Dust Wars #1

Dust Wars #1
Image Comics
Script - Christopher "Mink" Morrison
Artwork - Davide Fabbri
23 pages for $2.99

Look how beautiful that cover is. You would think that this book would be good, well let me tell ya, don't judge a book by it's cover. Wow, I can't believe I just made that up. I think that phrase might just catch on. I feel wicked smart right now. Unlike this entire fucking book. Just check out this gripping scene early on in the "story". Does it get worse later on in the book? Oh yeah it does.
Dust Wars #1 is set in a twisted mixed up world. It's WWII, and there are giant robots running around. Does that make any sense at all? If Battletech and Saving Private Ryan fucked, this would be the outcome, only everyone in this story has some sort of brain disease which makes them stupid.

Dust #1 is fucking terrible. I hate to be so blunt, but the story in this book is asinine and confusing, which should be impossible shouldn't it? At times the dialog is so terrible it feels like it may have been written in another language and translated by a blind sodomized transvestite with a terrible meth habit. How does something like this make it to print? On top of that, the splash pages are abundant and filled with lines so cliche it actually makes you flinch.
Like this page of Koshka speaking to her long dead father. Her lips might look nice for sucking on a schlong, but they sure say some retarded shit.

This series is going to be three books and for some reason they feel in necessary to introduce two different narrations in this first book. For some God awful reason, "Mink" felt he needed to jam more nonsensical crap into these 23 pages. I know at some point these two stories MUST come together, but right now, I can't see it happening with any sort of satisfaction.

In the first four pages of this book, there are less than a dozen words of dialog. Is that a good thing? Well not when most of those words are winners like: AHHH! and Go! But I think my personal favorites were, and when I say favorite, I mean the one that made me want to turn this comic book into toilet paper before I finished reading it, is TAKE THAT! Who actually says that shit while they're being shot at? Here's an idea, lets find the most cliche thing that a solider might say during a firefight and put that in this comic book. It's totally useless dialog which insults the readers intelligence on every level.

It doesn't stop there my friends. The "story" in this book is so bad, it actually has a soldier putting sugar in the gas tank of an officers jeep. Take that Mr. authority figure. Somehow this immature Sergeant dude is supposed to rivet me to the page while Koshka's ass would do the same and would be more important to the story. I know her tits are more interesting.

This book is trying to rely on it's looks. It's like a blond chick who doesn't know how to take care of her shit, all she does is bat her eyes and shake her ass and we'll do whatever the fuck she wants. Well my friends, the hips on this fucking book are so screwed up, you would be hard pressed to find a man alive that would fuck it, much less read it.

So yeah, I don't really like this book much, in case you didn't catch that earlier. What this book needs is for some soldier to face fuck this chick, that would be more realistic and honestly more interesting. Those lips should never say anything, they are really only good for one thing, and I think we all know what that is.


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