Friday, June 18, 2010

Avengers Assemble! Again! For the Third Time Dammit!

The New Avengers # 1
Marvel Comics
Script: Brian Michael Bendis
Pencils: Stuart Immomen
24 pages for $3.99

Attention Marvel fans, there's a new Avengers book out this month! Gather round and witness Marvel as it proves once again just how much of a whore it's turned into lately. There is yet another Avengers title coming out this month. What the fuck is going on here? The Queen Whores of Babylon have done it again by offering another $4 book we really don't need. I don't get it. Are they trying to kill comic books at a faster rate of speed than it's already happening? What a bunch of douches. Anyways...I feel better now, on with the review.

The Heroic Age lumbers on with yet another incarnation of The Avengers - The NEW Avengers! (cue explosions and celebratory fireworks) This time out we get to see Luge Cage take over the Stark Mansion, which he bought for a dollar from the obviously drunk Tony Stark, and assemble a new team of Avengers. I think that name has lost it's relevance now though, it used to mean something when there was just ONE team, now it's like three. Who the fuck can keep up with this shit? Even Wolverine doesn't really know which way he's going at times. His new mutant power is multi-tasking...ha ha, so funny Bendis.

Tony Stark and "The man we can't call Captain America anymore" ask Luge Cage and a few others to assemble at the newly renovated Stark Mansion. Only he can't have Thor or Iron Man. What the fuck, those are the only two people I would want on my Avengers team. Luke gets the shaft right away if you ask me.

Meanwhile in Doctor Voodoos Sanctum Sanctorum or possible hell (well hell is being a comic book reader who has to keep up with all this shit actually), we see Doctor Voodoo/Jericho speaking with the spirit of his dead brother. Suddenly someone appears and asks for the Eye of Agamotto. If you are not an avid reader of Marvel titles, like me, this makes no fucking sense and that's okay, I actually like it.

Meanwhile again...David Addison and Maddie Hayes are fucking in the offices of Blue Moon Detective Agency when Luke Cage comes in and asks them to be on the NEW Avengers. Well no that really didn't happen, but wouldn't have have been fucking cool? Yeah you're right, it really wouldn't but Luke does hold a dinner party and ask The Thing to join his team. As Luke laments on the history between him and The Thing the Eye of Agamotto appears in his hand. That same person that appeared with Jericho now appears at Luke Cages dinner party and asks him for the Eye. I'm guessing the fight with Jericho went well and Jericho is now dead, but this mystery man was still unable to acquire his prize, the Eye of Agowhatthehey.I am not sure I'm sold on this comic book yet, but it did yield some decent twists and turns. I'm not completely sold on the idea of needing at least four fucking Avengers titles, but in the end there can be only one, right? At this point I'm still hoping for someone at Marvel to get his head out of his ass and realize one GREAT title is better than four half-ass titles. So far all these books are just so-so in my book.


My scanner is broken, so excuse my shitty ass photos. I had to use my iPhone camera to get a couple of those shots, so yeah I know they suck, but they still get the point across.

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