Chronic Review: Hulk Vs DVD

OK, so this one was a little late. Hulk Vs. was originally slotted to hit stores shortly after the Edward Norton Hulk film. Better late than never?

I guess the good news is that it's a non-stop slugfest, and that has a sort of timeless quality to it. Marvel turned to the attached at the hip team of Craig Kyle and Christopher Yost. These are the cats who brought you a recent run of New X-Men and the current run of X-Force.

And if these two are your cup of tea, that demonstrates that A) You're not thinking clearly and B) That you're very likely to enjoy the two lackluster stories that comprise this animated feature.

The Hulk Vs. Thor portion runs 45 minutes and centers around Loki's plan to use the Hulk as a weapon against Asgard in it's weakest moments. For a week per year, ol' One Eye lapses into his Odinsleep, and every jag-off who doesn't like the gods makes a run at Asgard. Then Thor beats them about head, breast, chest, and neck area.

This year Mr. Laufeyson teams up with The Enchantress to throw a giant gamma-irradiated monkey wrench into the works, and hijinx ensue.

There are a couple of interesting elements to the tale. Yost and Kyle take a stab at some complexity by splitting Banner from Hulk. It provides a touch of drama, because it instantly makes the Hulk tougher and Banner infinitely more vulnerable. It also opens the door to a twist that has Thor and Loki teaming up in the third act, and that could have been quite entertaining if executed properly. I'm not sure that it was.

Hulk Vs. Wolverine was shorter at 37 minutes, and the more entertaining section of the video. I enjoyed the voice work on Wolverine. Steve Blum refines the gruff stuff that Cathal Dodd was doing less convincingly on the early 90s X-Men cartoon.

Department H notices that a giant green guy seems to tearing out large chunks of Canada in the most rude manner possible. They decide to send in Wolverine to contain the beast if possible and kill the beast if necessary. Hijinx ensue.

The pound-a-rama gets even better once Deadpool and his band of knuckle heads get involved. I think they went a bit overboard trying to make every moment a one-liner, but Wade Wilson steals the show here, and every moment he's on screen is a highlight.

The problem with the Hulk Vs. is that the creators vaguely understood that an all-out bash and thrash was just what the doctor ordered, but fell a bit short. It was also a bit inconsistent. In Hulk Vs. Thor, we aren't allowed to watch Hulk straddle a fallen thunder god and watch him pound the guy's face into flesh paste. In Hulk Vs. Wolverine, face paste is perfectly fine.

If you want to watch a real Hulk Vs., go back to the original Ultimate Avengers animated movie and watch the last 10 minutes. Now THAT'S a fight. The action in this latest product packs only half the punch and energy of that brouhaha. That's probably the greatest offense - we should be getting amped up action here, not Thorazined down.

This isn't a bad effort, per se. But like most of the Marvel animated movies, it does not wow or inspire. Die hards and 12 year-olds will enjoy it, but there's no compelling reason to pay $15 for it. Netflix this baby if you must, but I don't consider this a must addition to your DVD collection.

-Ryan

Chronic Review: X-Factor # 39

OK. So Peter David warned us he was about to unveil his new non-event Event Book. Well, folks, PAD does not disappoint.

Where to start? I guess we start at the beginning with the recap page. Like most Marvel comics, X-Factor always begins with a title page catching readers up on the concept of the team and what's been happening recently. It's a way to ease new readers into the action, although are there such things as new readers in 2009?

At any rate, David does a couple of interesting things before we even get to page one of the actual story. The first thing he does is give a paragraph of "what happened between issues". He essentially burns what would ordinarily be issue # 39 with a paragraph of exposition.

This is a man so eager to get to the "good stuff" that he's discarding his set-up and getting straight to it. I don't think I've ever seen that before.

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about it, either. I would have certainly waited. I don't really feel cheated by what was "skipped". It was just so unprecedented that I wasn't sure how to process it. This is PAD saying "All right, here's all the boring crap you'd need to know before I start blowing your mind".

There's a kind of manic glee to the whole issue, and it's infectious.

The second unusual thing that David does on the opener is write a plea to the readers not to post issue spoilers on the internet. I know I've never seen that in a comic book before.

"Every reader deserves to be as stunned and shocked as you by the developments herein. I am asking you not to ruin it for them."

It was here that I turned up a People's Eyebrow and thought to myself, "PAD, I love you, buddy. But this had better be really good. If you're going to pronounce your own work here as being so supremely awesome that the sublime shock one feels after reading it should be preserved for others....it better be really, really, really good."

Friends, the shocking events of X-Factor # 39 are indeed really, really, really, really good.

I will not utter one spoilery note about what actually happens in the issue, out of respect for you the reader and deference to The Man, Peter David. I can tell you that what happens is not a cheap marketing stunt. This particular bombshell is horrifyingly logical, organic to the characters and preceding stories, and will wreak massive havoc on this book for the foreseeable future.

Hats off to Peter David for promising the world and then delivering it. This is what comics are supposed to be about, folks. I recommend you not miss it.

- Ryan

Chronic Update: Ruins

In our latest episode, Quincy and I decided to name-drop Ruins in our usual Woodward & Bernstein fashion without any research, facts, or clue with which to elaborate.

Turns out this one might be a hidden gem, especially for Warren Ellis fans.

Remember when the original Marvels series came out, and Alex Ross wowed all of us with his hyper-realistic take on superheroes? Ruins takes that concept and turns it inside out. In this dystopian version, Phil Sheldon is bumping into monstrosities, pain, suicide, oppression, and a Marvel universe gone horribly sideways.

This was a two issue mini released in 1995, scripts by Warren Ellis (who else would you get to write this?) and pencils by Chris Nielson. The Ruins that comes out on Wednesday (1/2) is a collection of those two issues.

When originally released, each issue retailed for $4.95. Marvel's suggested retail on this 80 page collection is $4.99, which is shockingly reasonable given the current climate of overpricing and whorification. Is this the same company that sent out a 16 page embarrassment called Astonishing X-Men: Ghost Boxes for $3.99? Hard to believe.

All reports are that Ruins is an interesting read, with a gleeful Warren Ellis dismantling anything he can get his cynical mitts on. To give one spoilery example, Sheldon encounters Wolverine. The adamantium in his skeleton has gone toxic, and his flesh is slowly falling off the bone. This series is full of that stuff - fun!

Given the fact that we love Warren here at Chronic Insmonia and the comparatively low price point, Ruins is getting an enthusiastic buy recommendation. Enjoy!

- Ryan

Mikes Top Ten List 2008 Part Three

Let's continue...
2. Crossed - This is a sick ass book. Ennis is one fuck sick bastard! The images and dialog in this book are not for the faint at heart. Ryan thinks this might be the most important book of the whole year and well I agree with him on a few things, but what makes me like the book is the sickness in which it is NOT afraid to dive into. Read this book at your own risk, but read the damn thing, it's just that good.

1. Wolverine/Old Man Logan - I haven't been as excited about a book coming out monthly as this one. Mark Miller has done it again and hooked me into a great storyline with a familiar character we all really love no matter what we might say at comic book conventions. Miller gets to take this character and create a storyline we never see coming. From inbred Banner children to hack and slash gore, this book has it all. Do yourself a favor and pick up this mini-series or trade when it comes out, you will not be disappointed.

There ya go, there is my list of 2008. I know there aren't many surprises in there for a few of you, but I don't have the arcane comic book knowledge that a lot of you listening and reading have so my list is a little more mainstream.

Some honorable mention should be included in this list since I might have missed a few comics that even I wish I could have included.

Locke and Key - great book by Stephen Kings son. The art is fantastic and it's a surprisingly deep story for a horror book.

Kick-Ass - Great idea for a book, but for some reason it lost me after issue #4. Again Miller is the idea giant, but it’s not executed correctly in some way. That doesn't mean it wasn't good, it just didn't get it's mitts into me as much as some of the others on my actual list.

Salavation Run - Another fun book that doesn't really mean much to me as far as the cannon to the DC universe, but it was a great read. It was simple and straight-forward with decent art and some surprises that I didn't see coming.

Crawl Space XXX Zombies - Now lets be fair, this book is fucking ridiculous and it's story line and art are pretty bad, but even with those severe faults, I still loved it. Any comic book that has a zombie porn star bite off a guys dick while giving him head during a porno photo shoot just because she's hungry is a good comic book in my mind. Did Ennis write this too?

Y The Last Man - I know this book was mostly Pre-2008, but issue #60 came out in January of 2008 and lets be honest here, this was a fucking incredible series of books. Possibly the best I have ever read. It would have been number with a bullet on my list if we were talking about last year. However with only one issue to talk about in 2008, I just couldn't include it on my list.

I would also like to mention some of the books that I thought were total crap this last year. I know that Ryan and I DO agree on a lot of these though so it won't come as a surprise to some of you that Ryan has already ripped these books to shreds in earlier blog entries.

Mikes worst of 2008

Glamour Puss
Cable
Jenna Jamesons Shadow Hunter
Rasl
Grendel: Behold the Devil
Wild Cards: George R.R. Martins

These books were so bad that I couldn’t even get through the entire first issue. Another notable mention in the worst of 2008 list is the Warren Ellis X-Men crap. That first issue he penned was probably the worst comic book I have ever read written by Warren Ellis. If you like to read about the X-men arguing about coffee for five pages then this book is for you. IT SUCKED!

Michael

Ryan's Best of 2008: Part V

# 2: Batman - DC

Scripts: Grant Morrison
Pencils: Tony Daniel

Batman is the # 2 book of 2008 because Grant Morrison reminded us all how cool Batman could be in the most debated storyline of the year.

I've already broken down Batman: RIP in this blog, so it's tough to say much more about it without repeating myself. If you haven't read it yet, go back into our archives and look at December - I did a pretty thorough review of the series then.

The key here is that I was originally going to wait for the trade on this one. As soon as I read Batman # 676, I knew that simply wasn't an option. The idea of waiting on this while new material was sitting on the racks was intolerable.

I think most people who who found the ending anti-climactic simply didn't get it. Morrison is smarter than your average bear, and so are his books. This is a story that had me going back to previous issues hunting for clues and foreshadowing. I've probably read Batman # 681 eight or nine times now. Can you remember the last comic that had you going back for more?



# 1: Crossed - Avatar

Scripts: Garth Ennis
Pencils: Jacen Burrows

Crossed is the # 1 book for 2008 because it's the most powerful horror I've ever read, and the most important comic book currently on the stands.

What a revelation this book has been, and what a punch in the guts! I have a high tolerance for horror of all types, it takes a lot to get to me. I have a hard time getting through an issue of Crossed - it's that brutal.

Does that make it a great or even good comic book? No, it does not. Crossed is far more than sheer brutality, though. It's an unflinching look at the human condition, and we need that right now.

It deals with many of the same nihilistic concerns that Nolan's Dark Knight did, albeit with very different answers. Nolan's Batman movie denied the darkness of the human soul. Ennis's Crossed swallows it whole and then shows you the excrement.

We're early in the series (three issues into a planned 10 issue mini) and so it's impossible to tell exactly where we're headed. What's unique about the book to me so far is that the story remains grounded in the group of survivors.

Most stories of this type are about plucky, underrated, and skilled people who improbably fall right into the clues that lead to discovering the mystery of the Great Problem. Then they win and take down the monsters and stick to The Man. But this book isn't about figuring out how The Crossed were created. Most of the characters have given up those notions. In this story, the monster is us.

This book is about the nature of the human animal and what happens to them when it all goes bad. What hurts the most is how viable this world feels and how sympathetic the surviving characters are. It's a kind of psychological Kobayashi Maru, and I've never seen anything quite like it.

Some of you out there are tired of reading Ms. Marvel and bitch, moan, and cry about the fact that the only thing on the racks are sterilized superhero books. If you want a book outside the usual genre with the brass balls to dive into the darkest part of the human heart, you need to be on Crossed immediately.

Michaels Top Ten List Part Two

6. Gravel - When I first read this series I thought that Cris Carter and Lovecraft combined to create this story. I was wrong of course, but it gave me that feeling and Warren Ellis does a great job in this book of giving us a hero who is a complete asshole. Go figure, Ellis is writing gritty and offensive dialog, call me surprised. If you liked the X-Files and also love Lovecraftian horror then this is the book for you.

5. Dynamo 5 - This book grabbed me because it started me in a universe that I didn't need to know anything about before picking it up. So many times we need prior knowledge to start reading a storyline in a comic. In this series Faerber has created a brand new world and a great compelling set of superheroes that really suck at being heroes. Great idea for a comic book and there are plenty of twists and turns to keep you interested along the way.

4. Secret Six - Superhero Mercenaries, how can you go wrong with that? Well you can't. This is a great series for those of you who like heroes that aren't heroes, if that makes any sense. These guys and gals are not that nice and some of the stuff they do is not nice either. Sign me up!

3. Pax Romana - I normally don't like long-winded books like this, but the storyline in this really grabbed hold of my nuts and wouldn't let go. Time travel, Romans and Mercenaries that aren't as nice or noble as they claim to be; A recipe for disaster sure, but also a recipe for a damn fine comic book. Hickman really knows the Catholics and how dangerous they really are. Ryan thinks the Tusken Raiders are the keepers of the arcane knowledge but my bet is on the Catholics.

Next up, my final two books of the list.

Michael

Ryan's Best of 2008: Part IV

# 4: Wolverine - Marvel

Scripts: Mark Millar
Pencils: Steve McNiven

Wolverine is the # 4 book for 2008 because it was the most pedal-to-the-metal fun I had all year reading comics

I want to be clear about something before I start - when I say Wolverine, I mean "Old Man Logan". I'm not talking about what Jason Aaron and Mark Guggenheim did before him. I'm sure it was great. Well, I'm sure the Aaron stuff was at least pretty good. But I don't know, because I didn't read it. So there.

Of all the books on my countdown, it's the Millar titles that are the hardest to place. The problem is that when Mark Millar writes stories, you sit back and look at his concept and your jaw drops. You buckle up for the ride of your life, and for the most part you get it.

But there are also flaws, and Old Man Logan is no exception. Perhaps the most glaring weakness is that fact that you can read any of these issues in about 14 seconds. They are gorgeously rendered, the action is incredible, but it is horribly decompressed. Old Man Logan is the Fruit Stripe gum of comic books.

You also begin to recognize as you trod through the world of Old Man Logan that much of the scenery is actually hollow. There simply isn't enough time to give everything depth here, even without the terrible decompression. So after awhile you take a step back and go "wait a minute - I don't actually know very much about this post-apocalyptic future after all...he's just showing me an endless string of impossibly cool scenes!"

And you could feel bamboozled by that. But I have decided that I don't. I have decided for myself that the endless string of impossibly cool scenes trumps the fact that they occur in a world built of papier mache and cardboard. Cuz the scenes are that good.

If it sounds to you like this is not the kind of testimonial worthy of a # 4 book of the year, well, I don't blame you. I struggled mightily with the placement of this title, even briefly considered leaving it off the list.

But the facts are these: reading Wolverine was a genuinely guilty pleasure every time I picked it up, and I couldn't wait to see what that crazy fucker Millar had in store for me each time. It was the most fun I had all year, and that counts for a lot, actually.

I might wish for more depth. I might wish to have a detailed revealing of how the country was divided by the great villains of the Marvel Universe. I might wish to have a better explanation for why the territory is crawling with goddamn dinosaurs.

But that's not what this story is about. It's about two old gunslingers going up against impossible odds. It's about doing what you can in a world where the bad guys won. It's the mystery of how the planet's most feral warrior became a damn sissie. It's about cannibals. It's about Spider-Bitch.

And it's bloody awesome.




# 3: Green Lantern - DC

Scripts: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Mike McKone, Ivan Reis

Green Lantern is the # 3 book for 2008 because Johns is ambitiously attempting an epic new comic book mythos - and he's succeeding.

The event comics at Marvel and DC are designed to trade on the history of their respective universes. These things seem to "matter" because we've been watching them for years, our parents and grandparents knew who Superman was, and so when "big" things happen to these characters we are supposed to feel a certain gravitas about them.

That's why we're supposed to care about Brand New Day and Secret Invasion and Dark Reign and Countdown and World War Hulk and Final Crisis and Batman: R.I.P and Flash: Rebirth and Messiah complex and Annihilation: Conquest and Trinity. (Whew! Ran out of breath) We're instructed to care because these icons are supposedly changing - we're meant to believe we're watching history unfold.

Green Lantern is the only book out today that makes me feel that way. I believe that what Johns is doing with Hal Jordan and the core now is going to shape the way we view these characters for years to come. He is growing the mythos, and it is a wonder to behold.

I'm probably in the minority opinion on this, and I hear quite a bit of GL backlash. Steven Grant's # 1 wish for 2009 in his "Permanent Damage" column is a cease and desist order on more chromatic lanterns. Hannibal Tabu regularly slots the book in his "no, just no" section of "The Buy Pile".

I'll admit that names like Atrocitus border on the hokey, and that there might be such a thing as too many Lanterns. But then again, why would willpower be the only human psychological element you could draw power from? A multi-faceted Corps just makes sense to me.

Kittens puking fiery blood? I consider that precious. The stakes are high in Green Lantern every month, the relationships are complex. You have to love what Johns is doing with Sinestro, who is still very relevant, perhaps more relevant now than ever. This is a space opera done right and done smart.

If you want to watch the birthing of a grander Green Lantern, you need to be on this book now.