Chronic Review: Fantastic Four # 587! [no spoilers]

Fantastic Four # 587

Marvel Comics

Script:     Jonathan Hickman

Pencils:   Steve Epting

28 (by my count) pages

This will almost certainly go down as my favorite comic of 2011.  I say that in January, because it already resonates as one of the finest comics I've read, period.

I won't reveal the identity of this issue's casualty.  In that way I've got more respect for the contents of the book than Marvel has, which is sad, and a situation I'll touch upon later.  But only briefly, and only because I must.  I'm not going to stick my head in the sand and pretend that the House of Ideas didn't fail here as a media machine.

I won't reveal any specific plot points all.  What I will do is observe that we're now 18 issues into Hickman's run, it's reached a crescendo with the end of "Three", and I think we can now look at Hickman's body of work on Fantastic Four and start to truly appreciate what an elegant and intricate work of art is is.

Please understand, though, that this isn't a work of art you hang in the Louvre and leave for the posh.  The true power of Fantastic Four is that it instills a sense of child-like awe and joy.  I'm a 38 year old nerd, utterly jaded and completely anesthetized to the tricks of the trade.  Fantastic Four reminds me why I started reading these damn things in the first place - to find stories and characters bigger than myself.  Not to teach me how small I am, but to teach me how wonderful the bigger world and the people in it can be.

I sometimes get that feeling when I read Morrison's Batman stories.  I have felt that reading Planetary.  It's a rare gift to be cherished and appreciated, regardless of how the business might spoil the delivery.  Hickman himself notes the hype issues in this IGN interview, even before Marvel spoiled it's own "surprise" with emails and careless media leaks:

"IGN Comics: Do you think that the mass media blitz for something like this is a blessing or a curse, from purely a storytelling perspective?

Jonathan Hickman: Purely from a storytelling perspective, it is a detriment; there's no question about that. I don't want people knowing the ending of the book. I don't even want people to know that it's coming. The idea that people could have read the entirety of "Three" just thinking that it's a classic hero's journey and they're all going to get back together at the end as a happy family and then this happens; we lost something powerful there. But I'm a professional writer. I want people to read my book. [laughs] It doesn't really matter how great it is if no one reads it. If we sell so many more copies of this issue, there's no way I can consider it a loss. It's just not. It's a win across the board. Hopefully, if I do my job correctly, people will just buy more of my books in general. We have lots of surprises in the future."

It's difficult to imagine how Marvel could have sabotaged this worse.  It's one thing to turn the newspapers loose at the crack of midnight with no care for their headlines.  The "secret" was out nationally before dawn, and many comic shops didn't even receive their shipments until late afternoon.  That would be bad enough.  Marvel itself sent out mass emails spoiling the identity of the casualty in the email titles!  Think about that for about 12 seconds.  Supposedly this comic is in a polybag to avoid spoilers.  Supposedly it was made available for sale on Tuesday for the same reason.  If you listen to Marvel talk, it's always with grand gestures of good will and sugary smarm.  If you watch Marvel act, it's always to the detriment of their readers, to the industry, to their stories.

I won't let that ruin this story for me, though, I just won't.  I imagine Hickman first pitching his concept, knowing he was a smart cat, but wondering if he could cash the checks he was planning to write.  Listen, planting magic in the hearts of jaded 38 year-olds is not an easy task.  He did it.  He pulled it all off, and he did it the right way.

Jonathan Hickman never shits on anything, he celebrates it, polishes it, expands it.  Most books are lucky to have a compelling character, maybe two.  Fantastic Four is a 1927 Yankees murderer's row of characters.  Who in this world or any other is more interesting than Valeria Richards? Comic book storytelling is so difficult because you have 22 pages a month to sell these people and these worlds as vital and real.  Decompression is a sometimes useful cheat to add flesh to the bones, you turn around six months later and realize that these characters have barely finished their coffee.

Fantastic Four is a remarkable achievement in efficiency.  I defy you to find another book where more things "happen".  The conclusion of "Three" in particular reminds you as you recall what's gone before that there is nothing trivial in this book, that it all matters, and that Hickman knew it all along.

This is a masterpiece that reduces you to a proper 13 year-old dork.

There's a scene, a moment in this issue between Namor and Sue, I can barely describe to you how much that moment pays off, and how much it owes to what has gone before.  It works if you started reading with FF # 570, and feels like an atomic bomb if you have the depth of the series.  This issue is filled with that stuff.  All of the Nu-World stuff is expanded from Millar.  He's using the Negative Zone portal that came out of Civil War, Peter David's Maestro character, and the Annihilation Wave from, well, Annihilation.  You want comics that matter?  This is what makes those comics matters, Fantastic Four is one of the only things keeping those pathetic "everything changes here" solicitations from being utter lies. 

Fantastic Four is respectful, innovative, epic, and what is most amazing is that it is consistently all these things.  Jason Aaron's CBR column recently spurred another outpouring of the old saw that Alan Moore gets to shit on everyone because nobody has done anything since Watchmen.  "Make better comics", they say.  Is anybody reading Fantastic Four?  Have you looked at it, really looked at it?  This IS better comics. 

It's better comics inexplicably dressed in a polybag, and unnecessarily spoiled by childish marketing.  It's sad and it's gross, and succinctly tells the story of comics in 2011.  We are right now experiencing the best that comics have ever been, and they are being needlessly hampered by short-sighted caretakers.

Do not go gentle in that dark night..  Rage, rage, against the dying of the light, by all means.  I know I will.  But remember why we rage.  We rage to protect books like Fantastic Four, not to dismiss them.  Disregard this comic and this series at your own peril.

- Ryan

Chronic Reviews: A Scattering of Nonsense!

Before I jump in my Delorean and start shouting to Marty about the numerous problems with his kids, I thought I'd talk about some comics and such...

Nemesis # 2

Once upon a time M. Night Shyamalan made a series of pretty good films with wicked clever twists. He got some fame and some notoriety for that, it became his schtick, and his body of work increasingly suffered for it.

Whereas the Big Twist used to serve his stories, they end up owning the stories by the time you get to the Lady in the Water. It was sort of sad watching a talented filmmaker become a parody of himself. I think that's what is happening to Mark Millar.

I defended Nemesis after issue # 1, and I guess I stand by that. We knew we were in for some ridiculous shit, and by golly we're getting it. Do I find some infantile pleasure in watching this dude rip off the Dark Knight while he shouts "Up your game, assholes!" Yeah, I kinda do.


But we're getting to the point where the point is no longer the story. Was there a time when Mark Millar was doing what he was doing because it was his "truth"? I bet there was. It feels a bit now as if Millar is more engaged in trying top himself than in getting to the bottom of things, though.

Nemesis # 2 feels less like a story and more like a frenetic elevator pitch, which is what Millar is really good at. That's nothing to be ashamed of, by the way. Ideas are Life, and he has them in spades. We're getting to the parody stage now, and that's not a good thing.

What's strange is that I think the more insane his work becomes, the more I think he needs to be promoted. That addled Scottish brain cannot handle gearing itself down to plot out a coherent, developed arc. But it sure as shit can create a springboard for one or identify one in a heartbeat. He really shouldn't be writing comics any more, he should be somebody's editor in chief. At this stage I don't think he should be strapped into any one concept, he needs to be guiding and putting energy into a hundred different ideas that lesser mortals with patience and craft can spin into gold.

SHIELD # 2

OK, so I was holding out judgement on the series until we could put some meat on those admittedly sexy bones. So we waited two months for the next installment to come out....and we're still waiting for the meat.

Now, listen. Hold your horses. I'm not suggesting we hit the panic button by any means. I'm not suggesting the book sucks, or even middling, or even less than great. Great is still on the table. What is clear to me after reading the second issue is that this needs to be read in trade form. That's all.

Tim Callahan went on CBR and just declared it the best book of the year. Whoahwhoahwhoa there, Silver. This issue, like the debut, is loaded with outstanding ideas and golden promises, and a unique style that is so far pleasing to me. That Hickmany text page about 2/3 of the way through? Love it!

But we're still in the same boat we were last time. There is no meat here. I believe it's coming. We've been told through exposition that great and wonderful things are happening. We can believe that great and wonderful things are happening from the glimpses of meaty stuff that is snatched from our sight at the barest hint. But we don't have anything yet.

Calling SHIELD the best book of the year is like saying you just had the best meal of your life, except all you did was see a few commercials on TV and one of your friends went to that restaurant and said it was awesome. Maybe it's awesome, maybe it isn't. I'll let you know when the trade comes out, because a few whispers of awesometude every 60 days just isn't cutting it for me.

Secret Six # 22

You want meat, you go to Secret Six. It's starting to not make sense how good this series is. At this point, I keep going in every month with more and more unrealistic expectations, and every month it keeps telling me my expectations are too meager.

You thought the Catman origin was brutal last month? (It was) It just got worse, WAY worse. Completely unexpected. And by the way, the details are left partially to your imagination. Did Thomas cave to his father's wishes or was it an accident? Did Thomas sense that he needed to do that in order to gain the inner steel to seal the deal with his father? I don't know. Up to you, really.

Black Alice's Etrigan poems? So strong, and so Chronic Insomnia approved. That's how that character should be written. As per usual, Alice is dark, and powerful, and vulnerable, and sympathetic all in the same issue, and it all makes sense intellectually and emotionally. And then Deadshot caps off that emotionally charged cancer story with an offer for a cigarette. Are you kidding me??? This is beyond comics. This is genius.

Ragdoll gets his shots in, as always:


And no, that's not an exaggeration. Ragdoll's best friend is a stuffed torso of Parademon that he keeps in his room and speaks to regularly. There is more characterization in one issue of Secret Six than a whole year of whatever else you're reading. There is never a wasted moment in this book, and anything can happen at any time.

It's not the same thing, but in terms of quality Secret Six holds up quite nicely next to Sandman, Watchmen, ACME Novelty Library, or anything else you've got in your library. And we can't find even 30,000 people to read this book? Does. Not. Compute.

The Spirit Movie

I've been running my mouth about how The Spirit might be the worst film in cinema history. I rented it and gave it another shot, just to torture myself.

It isn't the worst the film in history, but it might as well be. Not all of it is Frank's fault. All of that "eggs" nonsense from the Octopus? I'm sure that's Eisner's bit, and it just doesn't work. But all of that ridiculous and grating voice over stuff about the city? Yeah, that's Frank.

The stupid scene with the hopping foot that was supposed to have us on the floor? That was Frank. There's a scene in there where Ellen Dolan is spouting off about how she has to take care of Denny Colt because only she knows his body. What??? He's regenerative, the orderly could just sit there and watch him stitch himself up, you moron!!! It doesn't make any sense inside your own narrative rules! Even if that were in the source material, you'd have to take that out. But I'm betting that's Frank.


The good news is, the women are still hot. I was surprised to recognize officer Morganstern, the ultra-peppy sidekick Colt gets saddled with specifically to make Dr. Dolan jealous and up the male power fantasy quotient. Everybody in the film keeps saying to Morganstern; "You'll make detective in no time!"

And she did. Because that was Stana Katic, Detective Kate Beckett on Castle! Hillarious stuff, and definitely shows her range. The Spirit is still really, really, really bad. But there is some fun stuff in it, most noticeably Scarlet Johansson's performance. Don't go watch it again unless you're a masochist, though.

- Ryan

Chronic Capsule Reviews: Crap I Read Today!

Let me kick this off by saying that I WON'T be reading Secret Avengers, even though it seems to me that Brubaker's little shadow team is by far the most intriguing of the relaunched Avengers nonsense.

If this book were $2.99, I'd be all over it. But it isn't. I've been making far too many excuses about that lately, and it needs to stop. We simply can't afford (literally!) to reward this behavior. If the trend on trades continues, I won't be buying that either, regardless of how well it gets reviewed. Suggested retail on that collected Psylocke mini? If you thought the $3.99 on the floppies was bad, wait til you get a load of the $4.99 per issue they think it's worth in trade form. No. Nononononononononno you don't.

We're watching, Marvel. And we're pissed. Lots of people sitting at the breaking point, Mr. Buckley. We can live without that Psylocke book, trust me. Hell, the fact you're pushing us toward is that we can live without any of it. That's not a bitter threat any more, that's becoming the undeniable reality of it. We're at the breaking point. Tread carefully.

War of the Supermen # 4
Nothing much for me to rave about or complain about, I guess. I hadn't been reading the Superman books prior, so this is resolving issues that don't resonate as much for me. My sense is that if you went through the whole "New Krypton" stuff, this paid off fairly well.

There's nothing here that would compel me to pick up Superman from here on. I'm thinking about doing it simply because of the Straczynski factor. I'm really enjoying Brave & The Bold (more on that later) and I've been re-reading some Rising Stars, too. JMS is pretty good. So yay for him on Superman, his dream project.

Green Lantern # 54
This title has been on the cusp of the "drop zone" lately. It isn't that I feel it's a bad title. But there's a general feeling you carry around about each of the books on your pull, and inevitably certain books stop feeling like urgent reads and you start to wonder about them. If you're smart.

Thing is, every issue of Green Lantern tends to redeem itself upon closer inspection. I mean, in this issue that Red Lantern cat threw up on a bunch of people in a subway, and how can I deny that? There's no way. Every time that cat pukes rage blood on something, I'm in love all over again. Speaking of love, Sinestro has a delicious little one-liner he fires at Hal Jordan regarding his aching loins over Carol, too.

And that's the juice for me. I don't want to say that I can't care about the whole "sword in the stone" white lantern conundrum or the search for the missing "entities"...but I don't care, so I guess I'll say it. Green Lantern stays for now. Next!

Brave & The Bold # 34
The previous issue may end up being the best comic of 2010. It's certainly # 1 in my heart right now. I guess no system is perfect, but this is such a classic example of how broken the system is, and how quality never quite seems to translate into sales. And that, folks, is what is KILLING the industry.

Because there's no "Brightest Day" banner or some event connection, the rotating cast pretty much demands that nobody buys this title. And it's awesome. Every month, it's quality story after quality story. Straczynski takes full advantage of the freedom inherent in a "what if" type framework and just runs wild with interesting crap.

This month the Legion runs into a problem - primordial black hole make Earth go bye-bye. Now THAT'S a problem! Do you see how fun this stuff gets? Lightning Lad concocts a scheme to go back in time and fix that, and he needs the Doom Patrol's help to do it. And here's where it gets really weird, folks. Straczynski sets it up in the story so that internally it makes sense to need Negative Man! Revolutionary!

Now, JMS has been teasing for months that he's going to do something funky with the title that should make it a "Top 10" selling comic. Something feels slightly awry at the end of this issue, and I think that the ramifications of saving Earth are going to open up that can of worms next issue. Something from the future or another dimension, I don't know. But I think we'll see the ace Straczynski's been holding up his sleeve next month. Yay!

Fantastic Four # 579
As usual, so much to say about this comic, and I'm not sure this little blog entry is really the place to get into all of it, but here goes.

With what went on in # 578, this is a real button-hook. Last issue ramped up the stakes to Factor 11, and then this issue behaves as though none of that Inhumans stuff ever happened. It's a "breather" issue, if you will.

First of all, I don't want to say that Neil Edward's art sucks, but it sure gives a strong inhale. Eaglesham is missed, and that's a fact. Reed gives a speech about the future at the Singularity conference, and basically tells everyone (except She-Hulk) that they're old people with no vision, and he's bowing out of the group.

It's an interesting case he makes, and (as usual) an interesting path to explore. I happen to not agree with much of what Reed believes. He sees expansion as inevitable and hopeful, touting
"one trillion human beings spanning an entire galaxy." To me, that's not a message of hope. I believe in quality, not quantity. If you really liked the galaxy, you wouldn't be spreading people as we know them about it. That's littering.

But Reed is more optimistic than I, so it makes sense in that regard. His response is interesting, daring, and quite in keeping with the "Heroic Age" of optimism. He ditches the stagnant old white dudes and sets up his own think-tank with his children, the moloid kids, Artie, and Alex Power. There's your new Future Foundation!

Hickman spends a lot of time acknowledging plot threads in scattershot form. (Nu-World, Sue as ambassador, the Wizard) There's a TON of balls in the air right now, and Hickman is basically letting you know that he knows this stuff is out there. And all of it is entertaining. All of it.

Does it feel weird to me that the Inhumans stuff just went "poof"? Yup. Was it a bad issue? By no means. This is still the must read Marvel book of the lot, hands downs.

Tales of the Dragon Guard # 3
This was the best comic I read today. The super sad part is that it concludes the series. Are there more Tales of the Dragon Guard out there? I don't know. For all I know, there are reams of this stuff in France as I type. But I'll never get to see it, because the sales figures will not have Marvel ordering more of this, I wouldn't think.

And what a shame. There's a little box in the bottom right-hand corner of the comic that says "mature content", and for once that's accurate. Dragon Guard is a hokey little hook about half-dressed virgins killing big lizards, except it dresses itself in poignant characters, and gripping drama.

Wherever these dragons set up camp, they cast of field of corruption called "The Veil". It taints the people inside of it like a disease, and to watch the progression is always a trip. I'm really going to miss this book. A lot.

- Ryan

Chronic: Week in Reviews

Coffee, tea......or me? Well, that's me. With tea. Twinnings Irish breakfast tea, actually. Thanks to Cian for putting me onto that little delight, and thank you Ireland for being populated entirely by hilarious and angry people.

I was going to sit down and start hammering out another lengthy, dull review for nobody to read. I've decided that I would very much like to spend my evening watching episodes of Fringe while drinking more of this tea, so instead prepare yourself for a slew of items touched upon quite briefly.

The first thing I need to get to is Fantastic Four # 578, which was extraordinary as per usual. My love affair with this book is now well documented, so I should probably just shut up about it. Nah.

Eaglesham paints a scene in this issue when Johnny brings a bimbo home that is so deliciously disturbing.....you just have to see it. And by the way, that little bimbo was part of yet another layer that Hickman is layering onto this cake, which is already about 70 layers deep. This is the must read book in Marvel comics right now.

And remember those "home page" epilogues at the end of the last several issues, that read almost like a historian's recap of connected events? Turns out that our little Valeria has been creating those notes. It's also implied that she's worked out the "four cities" on her own, and I'm not convinced that her father has pieced that together yet. Clever girl, clever girl. I repeat: this is the must read book in Marvel comics right now.

Not far behind is Matty Fraction's Invincible Iron Man # 25. Or as I like to call it these days - Iron Man: Undouched! Tony Stark's recently uploaded mind doesn't contain any of the completely absurd crap that Mark Millar made him do, and voila! It's a brand new day, only without the Mephisto fisting.

Incidentally, Fraction is self-effacing enough to admit inside the book how silly it would be for Tony Stark to leave himself with an incomplete memory when he could have very easily had it refresh itself daily. I like that, actually.

That issue also contains a new foil in the form of Detroit Steel, some Machiavellian hijinx from the Hammer girls, and a cannot miss conversation between Tony Stark and Thor. This is mainstream superhero comics done correctly. Why this won't be offered at movie theaters across the nation on May 7 is beyond me.

Siege: Secret Warriors is kinda fun. This is about as good as you can hope for with these obligatory event tie-ins. There is a scene in here with Cap and Nick Fury that is so over the top...you either love it or you hate it. Maybe it's just my man crush on Jonathan Hickman, but I choose to love it.

This was my first exposure to Phobos, being that I don't read Secret Warriors regularly. I just picked this up for friend of the show Nick, and the tax he paid for me buying this was me reading it. At any rate, the Phobos stuff was directly related to the events of Siege # 3, and an interesting avenue to take, and executed with some care. I particularly liked the letter to the President at the end. Hall of fame? No. But these things are so often a crime against God and Man, so anything better than blind rage is probably a huge win.

I finally did score a copy of X-Factor # 204 at the Source. Bleeding Cool is feeling some market heat on this one with the unadvertised first appearance of the New New Avengers. I guess I can see that, although I'm not convinced that's why I had such a damnable time finding one of these. I honestly can't explain it.

Incidentally, X-Factor continues to kick seven shades of ass. The cliffhanger ending in this one can't possibly be true, and that's fine. The hook is finding out how Mr. David button-hooked us next month. This isn't pathetic false emotional gravitas a la X-Factor # 26. This is a showman at the top of his game having fun.

I like Peter David a lot. I just bought the Soulsearchers and Co. trades - that's how much I like Peter David.

I've recently decided that I need less money and have started collecting comic shop promotional posters! My first purchase was this Miracleman ad from 1985. It's got a DNAgents advert on the other half of it. I'm going to display mine with just Miracleman showing.



Why would I do this to myself? I don't know. I guess because I don't have the funds to collect original art, and something feels special about certain items. I look at this thing and say to myself "This could have been on the walls at Shinders 25 years ago, and nobody would have known how much trouble this little no-name UK character would cause for everyone." I would imagine Miracle Keith would be super jealous that I have this, except for the fact that he probably has three of them. Signed by Alan Moore. In the blood of Glycon.

I'm sure there's nobody in this boat, but for those of you whose first exposure to Hack/Slash was issue # 32....it's not always like this. Wow. I'm not mad or anything, because Seeley is on his way out of DDP and needed to get these things on the rack so he could move on to Image.

This comic doesn't really contain any pencils, we're pretty much left with the breakdowns. Seeley's cover looks like it was created by his 13 year-old self in about 15 minutes. It's kinda sad in that way. The silver lining is that everybody got paid, and this little gem can shine again at Image very soon. Good news!

I forgot to give Mike my copy of DV8: Gods & Monsters # 1 so he could read it. This is Brian Wood rebooting the concept, which was basically Gen 13 kids only really, really naughty. The concept is actually quite good. The team is dropped onto God knows what planet and left to their own devices in what looks like some kind of a "Trading Places" dollar bet about what would happen to the poor natives.

The concept is indeed good, the execution to this point has been lackluster. It's a set up issue, so I'll give benefit of the doubt on that. I'd really rather wait for the trade on this...but we'll see. I think part of the problem is that I have no prior love for any of these characters, so there's no juice for me in seeing how they've grown/twisted since I last saw them.

We just recorded the first real edition of "Nerds of the Round Table", and idea born from Mike and Mike mostly in which a rotating cast of podcast stalwarts tackle varying subjects as time and interest permit. We decided to tackle Iron Man 2, which is coming out in about a week, and the show went pretty well.

For some reason the blog won't create a clickable link for the podcast, so here's the gobbledygook:

http://nerdsoftheroundtable.mypodcast.com/

For the record, I'm predicting disappointment for the film. I have great faith in the director and the cast. I have zero confidence in Justin Theroux, and the reports I'm hearing about the rushed, shifted on the fly, clusterfucked nature of this production leave me more than a little concerned. They went in with essentially no script, and their non-script got wholesale re-worked right up to about.....five minutes ago.

It's one thing to allow yourself the flexibility to let better ideas creep in and the talent to shine in unexpected ways. It's another thing to go in without much a plan and make crap up as you go along. That's a good way to run an episode of Chronic Insomnia. It's a really dicey way to produce Iron Man 2. Don't get me wrong...I'm anticipating this film more than anything else in 2010, and I'm going to go see it in the theater. I'm scared, though.

Good night y'all! I'm off to watch the adventures of Olivia Dunham and Walter Bishop....

-Ryan

Chronic Review: S.H.I.E.L.D. # 1

S.H.I.E.L.D. # 1
Marvel Comics
Script: Jonathan Hickman
Pencils: Dustin Weaver
34 pages for $3.99


"And tomorrow is nothing but the promise of possibility."
- Leonid, S.H.I.E.L.D. # 1


This is a difficult comic to review. On the one hand, this book is a joy to read and fairly crackles with energy, and you find yourself eager to turn the pages to see the next incredible surprise buried in earth's previously untold Marvel history.


Hickman turns S.H.I.E.L.D from a formidable but geographically/chronologically limited government agency to an immortal, history-spanning global defense cabal. Imhotep prevents a Brood invasion, Zhang Heng battles a Celestial, and Galileo takes on Galactus. Are you kidding me??? Awesome. This issue contains more good ideas than most books carry in a year. On that hand, this is a superb comic book.

On the other hand, when I got done with S.H.I.E.L.D. # 1, it occurred to me that most of what I'd read was conceptually fantastic, but thin on visceral details. This is a promise, a literary check that hasn't been cashed yet. Granted, the check is written in a deliciously large amount. If this thing pays off, it's going to pay off on a Planetary/Preacher/Sandman type scale.

But to be clear again, it hasn't paid off yet. The idea of Galileo somehow preventing Galactus from turning our planet into lunch is no doubt interesting. And somehow, he got it done. But we have no idea how....the truly interesting bits are missing. In each case the concepts Hickman introduces demand interest, but the details are sketchy or non-existent.

Our gateway into this world is a character named Leonid. We meet this character in the 1950s, and he shares the same sense of overwhelming awe the readers are supposed to as the High Council of S.H.I.E.L.D. reveal some of the hidden layers of earth's history.

Leonid is also shrouded in mystery. He's clearly got some kind of super powers, even if their just sensory. His father is really an odd duck who goes by the handle "Night Machine", and looks like he orders his clothing from Rob Halford's closet. Again, it's all abstractly compelling, but there isn't anything to grab hold of yet emotionally.

Before I go on, let me be clear about something. I'm not complaining. This is a first issue, and so it's completely appropriate to set the table before the steak arrives. I get that. If the idea of a first issue is to introduce the principal players and elements in a manner that whets the readers appetite, well, Mr. Hickman just scored an A+ and then some.

What I'm saying is this: before I'm willing to call this a great issue or a great comic, I'm waiting to see if the check bounces. Me, I'm betting that Hickman has the funds in his account. He's going to flesh this out and show us how the High Council does business. Hell, it looks like we're going to find out how the world ends and mankind's true purpose in the universal scheme of things. Now that's entertainment!



I would consider this a can't-miss series based on the promise alone. Where did these immortals come from - are they even human? When the SHIELD agents pick up Leonid, why do they say "we know what you are" instead of something more appropriate like "we know who you are"? Agents Stark and Richards in 1956? Hmmmm. There's like....64 metric tons of fun stuff that Hickman could unpack out of this issue. Hickman revealed on Where Monsters Dwell that the series will take roughly 16 issues to complete. It feels like there's at least 100 issues worth of material to mine here. Like I said....I'd wager on Hickman to make it pay off.

I'm never that crazy about paying $3.99 for my books, but we got 34 pages plus a tiny little 2-page addendum, and that's a good value comparatively. If the series continues to be priced at $4 for 22 pages....I'm not sure what to do. I don't like rewarding gouging, but I don't know how I can avoid buying this story.

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Fantastic Four # 577

Fantastic Four # 577
Marvel Comics
Script: Jonathan Hickman
Pencils: Dale Eaglesham


Friends of the show are very familiar with the fact that I fell in love with this title around issue 572, got engaged to it, and have scheduled the wedding for June. And now Jonathan Hickman knows, too!

I got to speak with Hickman live last Wednesday on Where Monsters Dwell, and he rolled with the whole thing and even "gave away the bride" and everything. "She's clearly pregnant." Awesome. So I now have the father's blessing, and all is well in Chronic Town.

If you want to know why I fell so hard for the book, look no further than Fantastic Four # 577. Eaglesham is back on pencils, and they look phenomenal as usual. Also as usual, the issue is a mix of telling character moments, galactic scale ideas, and now a re-shaping of the FF mythos.

Reed gets satellite photos of an odd craft/structure on the moon and calls a family meeting. The team scrambles to the moon, and are met by an inhuman liaison named Dal Damoc, who invites them into the structure, and calmly re-writes everything they know about the origins of the Inhumans.


As it turns out the Centurions, Badoon, Kymelians, Dire Wraiths, and Earth Inhumans were five successes in a grand feat of Kree evolutionary engineering. The goal? Each of these races is programmed genetically toward creating one king uniting four queens in a manifest destiny; the taking of the "holy land" New Hala.

And where exactly is New Hala? Two hints. It's a planet.... and you're living on it. For now. WOW.

It's implied that Black Bolt is the one king. He's off running errands right now, (kicking the crap out of the Kree, it sounds like) but he'll be back for us soon. So Dal Damoc reveals the plan and then invites the Fantastic Four to run along now and let everybody know that the King is coming. It's all very calm and creepy.

Pretty heady stuff. None of this comes with an event banner, by the way. Doesn't need it. This is how things are done in the regular Fantastic Four now. No fanfare, trumpets, or 17 spin-off books are necessary. This is now where big shit happens, so get used to it. I love that.

In the midst of the big shit is the character development, always. Johnny is first into the Moon compound, of course. While Reed needs his version of a tricorder to read energy signatures inside the mystery ship, Johnny can sense them and confirm with his powers.

Dal Damoc is using a "perpetual motion planar construct" to hover in the air. Sue can sense this innately and call him on it. She's not just eye candy in the Hickman run, that's for sure.

Hickman obviously has been given the keys to the kingdom, and that was a good idea for Marvel. This is fun.

The thing that most impressed me most was the sense of inevitable matter-of-factness that the Inhumans displayed in the story. There was no moustache twirling, no chest-thumping, no maniacal laughing. The Inhumans were making simple, religious declarations. "This is what we know, this is the way it's going to be, so get ready!"

The real world parallels are pretty obvious, and pretty disturbing. This is exactly how radical Islam works, and this is exactly how the American "freedom machine" operates as well. There is no "threat" to invade your home. It's God's Plan. It's the way things are, and they're ultimately for the good, don't you know?

This kind of allegory is not unprecedented, of course. Jurgens run on Thor a few years back did similar things quite deftly. But I'm very interested to see where Hickman is going with this now. The bottom line is that Fantastic Four is now a must read if you're interested in the Marvel universe at all. Or good stories. And if you don't like good stories or Marvel....there's always Fade to Black. Good luck with that....

- Ryan

Chronic Soapbox: A Defense of Jonathan Hickman's Fantastic Four # 574

If you've been listening to the show at all lately, you know how much in love I am with Jonathan Hickman's run on Fantastic Four. I am engaged to this book, the wedding hits in June. (I should really talk to the printer about those invitations, now that I think on it!)

Fantastic Four currently features a letters page, which is a rare treat on its own in 2010. Not many comics are interested in taking up any of their page count to provide a forum for fan response. My guess is that editorial shies away from this for two reasons. A) That letters page takes away space from another potential splash page. B) The internet is now considered the fan response playground of choice, and the old school letters page is now obsolete.

If that's the case, I think editorial is making a mistake on both counts. I'm more interested in what other people are thinking about the book I'm reading than I am in another splash page. And while the forum boards can be useful/entertaining, I think there's still a place in this world for an editor to carefully choose something from a fan that is cogent; that captures something important or maybe just common to multiple responses. The online boards are populated with yammerings that make one wonder why comic fans are allowed to live. An editor can trim that out and get at something relevant.

Case in point: the letters column of FF # 575 featured two letters deeply upset about the use of the word "retard" in FF # 574. That issue was a done-in-one story depicting Franklin's birthday party, and how that kind of thing works for a family of world famous Imaginauts. Here is the panel that caused the issue for these readers:


As a card carrying and practicing Vulgarian and part-time Libertarian, you can guess how I feel about the issue. I'm going to side with the freedom to talk freely about any and all subjects, even those including words that are uncomfortable.

But the issue is much deeper than my freedom to say naughty things, and it's useful to walk through these things logically rather than just shove them under the rug and pretend they don't exist. This is one of the primary reasons why I do advocate word freedom; these problems don't get fixed unless we discuss them as a culture, and the idea that we should not use certain words at all prevents us from moving forward with the concepts they represent. And how is that helpful? The point being; this is not just about poop jokes. I want to talk about this and take the "other side" seriously so that we understand the implications here, and it's not just about my need to engage in juvenile humor.

Representation Does Not Equal Endorsement

One of the big problems we have in America, is that we have far too many simpletons who object to certain things; curse words, violence, alternative sexualities, etc. There are words and concepts and body parts that make segments of the population uncomfortable, and the operating theory in this country right now is that if these things are depicted in a book, comic, or movie, that medium is endorsing those uncomfortable things.

And this is the height of ignorance. Let me give you some examples from films. Nic Cage plays an alchoholic in "Leaving Las Vegas", and Jimmy Stewart plays an alcoholic in "Harvey". But those two films have very different messages about that illness. You cannot watch "Leaving Las Vegas" and think that alchoholism is an attractive thing, it leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth psychologically for days. If you watch Jimmy Stewart in "Harvey", you are left with the impression that a drinking problem is the most charming thing in the world. Both films depict alchoholism, but only one film tacitly endorses it, or makes it seem "OK".

Let's lighten things up a bit and talk about rape. If you watch "The Accused" with Jodie Foster, rape is treated realistically, brutally, and with psychological consequences that demonstrate how devastating that crime can be. If you watch "The Outlaw Josie Wales", rape is the gateway to true love. Let's be real, here. Sondra Locke's character is forcibly raped, and her response is to realize what a good solid dude that Josie Wales really is and boy I sure do like him now that he punched through my silly female frigidity.

One set of writers depicts rape in a way that demonstrates its destructive powers. The other set of writers depicts rape in a way that should place them in a special pocket of Hell when they die. But the point is - depiction does not equal endorsement, folks. It's stupid and harmful culturally to try and shut those things down and refuse to talk about them.

Matter of fact, I'm not even suggesting that "Harvey" or "Josie Wales" should be censored. In order for a society to function correctly, the solution is to know when we should be proud of our expressions, and when our expressions need to be spoken back to. Because I don't know if you've noticed this....but there are bad ideas everywhere, folks. If you don't know how to defend yourself, you are open to attack. You cannot sterilize the world of bad influences, you can only (if you're smart) learn how to talk back to them. And that means that "Harvey" and "Josie Wales" and for that matter Chronic Insomnia need to exist.

To bring it back to Fantastic Four now, though. We need to ask ourselves: does the depiction of the word "retard" endorse something harmful? The answer to that is a bit tricky.

FF # 574: Is The Word "Retard" Used Appropriately?

The element that tangles things in this case is the speaker. Because we're not talking about Doctor Doom here, using that word as an established "bad guy", using it to hurt people. Were that the case, endorsement would be off the table instantly, because Dr. Doom is not a role model for behavior, quite the opposite in fact.

But this is a protagonist, Valeria, and she's aiming the term at her brother. A couple of important (to me) things to note about the particular usage here.

1) Look at the panel and analyze the expression on Val's face. That is a playful, loving expression. Just absorb the fact that this is no more a "weapon" than if she had hit Franklin with a foam bat. It's play, not war.

2) She's using the word "retard" as a backhanded term of endearment. Now, clearly it's used in a derogatory way, so we're certainly not off the hook yet. But the point again, is that sometimes kids (hell, sometimes adults) are uncomfortable with their fuzzier feelings, and they hide that behind something more coarse, to make it palatable. She's using that word to express affection, not intolerance.

Does that negate the potential hurt a retarded person might feel upon reading such a panel? No, not necessarily. But there is a clear distinction in my mind between specifically using a derogatory term to do damage to a particular group, and a little girl expressing affection for her brother in a way that not everybody would approve of. It's just different.

So while I don't think Valeria should be proud of her use of the word "retard", I don't think it makes sense to level a charge of willful malignance toward Valeria, Hickman, or Marvel. This is how kids talk. We may not be in love with it, but in order to affect people, you have to meet them where they live, not in "fuzzy bunny fantasyland" where nobody says anything troublesome. That's just not how life works.

Even so, if this were all that was in play here, I think Hickman might be culpable for setting a bad example. Valeria is a child yes, but she's also whip smart and somebody we're supposed to look up to. And the good news is, as Hickman points out in his response to these letters, is that she does live up to those standards if you read more carefully than just skimming over the "mean" words.

Because in the course of that issue, both Valeria and Franklin show compassion for people with disabilities. They invent a device that allows Artie to communicate, because he's lost his ability to speak. And rather than exhibit intolerance, both Val and Franklin invite Artie and Leech into their family with warm and open hearts.

So. If the question is: what sort of behavior is Jonathan Hickman endorsing in Fantastic Four # 574? My answer is: naughty language combined with giving hearts and open minds. No, Valeria did not behave perfectly, but I think a reasonable person can see that the villagers can leave the flaming torches and pitchforks at home.

So is the word "retard" used appropriately? Perhaps not perfectly. But the message endorsed is perfectly healthy. In my opinion.

What Censoring The Word "Retarded" Really Accomplishes

The first thing I'd like to point out in this section is that there is nothing intrinsically hurtful about the word "retarded". It describes a condition where cognition is slower or less complex than peak human potential, and really, what's the big deal?

Assigning human value is dodgy business, and I don't have a super good way to measure that. For myself, I measure my own value by the impact I have on the people around me. When I die, I would like people to remember me and say to themselves "Life was a little better because Ryan was around." And I've made lives better (at least I'd like to think that I have) using my intellect, exposing people to ideas or thoughts that they might not have been exposed to otherwise.

But I say this as a man who defines himself largely via his cognition: it aint everything. In terms of value, I think I'd be better served overall if I exercised more kindness than calculation. I don't think it's a stretch at all to think that under my definition of human value, most retarded people have more value than I. They touch a lot of lives, bring a lot of joy to a wide variety of people.

What happens when you try and take that word away, make it so powerful that the very word "retarded" is off limits, an insult that should never be uttered? That a comic book should be scolded for using it? You've told the person with that condition that their existence is so unacceptable that it shouldn't be spoken of. Now THAT is hurtful.

This well intentioned need to hide uncomfortable truths and minimize people expresses itself in the most absurd ways. Letter writer Rudy Buehler actually says in his letter to Hickman about FF # 574 that "...these people are frequently more kind, caring and intelligent than anyone else around."

Now, Buehler there was lumping a broader category of "disabled" people, and didn't specify exactly who he was talking about. But the topic at hand was Hickman's use of the term "retarded", and Buehler certainly seems to be saying that we've got it all wrong, and that retarded people are actually quite smart if we could only get our heads out of the sand.

And this is the madness that kills, because I don't know how to tell you this, but advanced intelligence kind of disqualifies you from the retarded category. It's sort of a defining characteristic, OK?

And what the Randy Buehler's of the world don't realize is that when you deny someone's reality, (retarded people are actually quite brilliant) you're telling them that their state is too unbearable to accept. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's one thing to say "You won't be joining MENSA, and that's OK." Disappointing, but ultimately validating.

To say "I won't acknowledge your retardation or allow anyone to even use that word" is to imply that their condition is so off-putting, so disgusting, that it's existence can't even be recognized. We will "fudge" your reality because the truth is too painful. I'm trying to think of something more emotionally crippling than that, and I just can't. There is nothing on this earth more cruel than that sort of kindness.

Final Thoughts

So listen. I want to be clear on something as I wrap this up. I do not condone intentionally hurting people, with words or otherwise. It's not a good policy or anything to be proud of. But that's not what happened here.

A healthy culture absolutely requires the freedom to say things that will undoubtedly be uncomfortable from time to time. This is nothing to be afraid of, folks. This is how life gets addressed and gets better. Denying reality stunts growth, sad to say.

I think Valeria Richards is an outstanding role model. Maybe she's not perfect, but she feels like real life. She speaks her heart, and her actions show warmth and caring for all people. No apologies necessary for that, Mr. Hickman! And he didn't make any apologies in his reply, which you should definitely read for yourself. And if you're not reading Fantastic Four right now, you need to get on that!

-Ryan