Chronic Reviews: A Scattering of Nonsense!

Before I jump in my Delorean and start shouting to Marty about the numerous problems with his kids, I thought I'd talk about some comics and such...

Nemesis # 2

Once upon a time M. Night Shyamalan made a series of pretty good films with wicked clever twists. He got some fame and some notoriety for that, it became his schtick, and his body of work increasingly suffered for it.

Whereas the Big Twist used to serve his stories, they end up owning the stories by the time you get to the Lady in the Water. It was sort of sad watching a talented filmmaker become a parody of himself. I think that's what is happening to Mark Millar.

I defended Nemesis after issue # 1, and I guess I stand by that. We knew we were in for some ridiculous shit, and by golly we're getting it. Do I find some infantile pleasure in watching this dude rip off the Dark Knight while he shouts "Up your game, assholes!" Yeah, I kinda do.


But we're getting to the point where the point is no longer the story. Was there a time when Mark Millar was doing what he was doing because it was his "truth"? I bet there was. It feels a bit now as if Millar is more engaged in trying top himself than in getting to the bottom of things, though.

Nemesis # 2 feels less like a story and more like a frenetic elevator pitch, which is what Millar is really good at. That's nothing to be ashamed of, by the way. Ideas are Life, and he has them in spades. We're getting to the parody stage now, and that's not a good thing.

What's strange is that I think the more insane his work becomes, the more I think he needs to be promoted. That addled Scottish brain cannot handle gearing itself down to plot out a coherent, developed arc. But it sure as shit can create a springboard for one or identify one in a heartbeat. He really shouldn't be writing comics any more, he should be somebody's editor in chief. At this stage I don't think he should be strapped into any one concept, he needs to be guiding and putting energy into a hundred different ideas that lesser mortals with patience and craft can spin into gold.

SHIELD # 2

OK, so I was holding out judgement on the series until we could put some meat on those admittedly sexy bones. So we waited two months for the next installment to come out....and we're still waiting for the meat.

Now, listen. Hold your horses. I'm not suggesting we hit the panic button by any means. I'm not suggesting the book sucks, or even middling, or even less than great. Great is still on the table. What is clear to me after reading the second issue is that this needs to be read in trade form. That's all.

Tim Callahan went on CBR and just declared it the best book of the year. Whoahwhoahwhoa there, Silver. This issue, like the debut, is loaded with outstanding ideas and golden promises, and a unique style that is so far pleasing to me. That Hickmany text page about 2/3 of the way through? Love it!

But we're still in the same boat we were last time. There is no meat here. I believe it's coming. We've been told through exposition that great and wonderful things are happening. We can believe that great and wonderful things are happening from the glimpses of meaty stuff that is snatched from our sight at the barest hint. But we don't have anything yet.

Calling SHIELD the best book of the year is like saying you just had the best meal of your life, except all you did was see a few commercials on TV and one of your friends went to that restaurant and said it was awesome. Maybe it's awesome, maybe it isn't. I'll let you know when the trade comes out, because a few whispers of awesometude every 60 days just isn't cutting it for me.

Secret Six # 22

You want meat, you go to Secret Six. It's starting to not make sense how good this series is. At this point, I keep going in every month with more and more unrealistic expectations, and every month it keeps telling me my expectations are too meager.

You thought the Catman origin was brutal last month? (It was) It just got worse, WAY worse. Completely unexpected. And by the way, the details are left partially to your imagination. Did Thomas cave to his father's wishes or was it an accident? Did Thomas sense that he needed to do that in order to gain the inner steel to seal the deal with his father? I don't know. Up to you, really.

Black Alice's Etrigan poems? So strong, and so Chronic Insomnia approved. That's how that character should be written. As per usual, Alice is dark, and powerful, and vulnerable, and sympathetic all in the same issue, and it all makes sense intellectually and emotionally. And then Deadshot caps off that emotionally charged cancer story with an offer for a cigarette. Are you kidding me??? This is beyond comics. This is genius.

Ragdoll gets his shots in, as always:


And no, that's not an exaggeration. Ragdoll's best friend is a stuffed torso of Parademon that he keeps in his room and speaks to regularly. There is more characterization in one issue of Secret Six than a whole year of whatever else you're reading. There is never a wasted moment in this book, and anything can happen at any time.

It's not the same thing, but in terms of quality Secret Six holds up quite nicely next to Sandman, Watchmen, ACME Novelty Library, or anything else you've got in your library. And we can't find even 30,000 people to read this book? Does. Not. Compute.

The Spirit Movie

I've been running my mouth about how The Spirit might be the worst film in cinema history. I rented it and gave it another shot, just to torture myself.

It isn't the worst the film in history, but it might as well be. Not all of it is Frank's fault. All of that "eggs" nonsense from the Octopus? I'm sure that's Eisner's bit, and it just doesn't work. But all of that ridiculous and grating voice over stuff about the city? Yeah, that's Frank.

The stupid scene with the hopping foot that was supposed to have us on the floor? That was Frank. There's a scene in there where Ellen Dolan is spouting off about how she has to take care of Denny Colt because only she knows his body. What??? He's regenerative, the orderly could just sit there and watch him stitch himself up, you moron!!! It doesn't make any sense inside your own narrative rules! Even if that were in the source material, you'd have to take that out. But I'm betting that's Frank.


The good news is, the women are still hot. I was surprised to recognize officer Morganstern, the ultra-peppy sidekick Colt gets saddled with specifically to make Dr. Dolan jealous and up the male power fantasy quotient. Everybody in the film keeps saying to Morganstern; "You'll make detective in no time!"

And she did. Because that was Stana Katic, Detective Kate Beckett on Castle! Hillarious stuff, and definitely shows her range. The Spirit is still really, really, really bad. But there is some fun stuff in it, most noticeably Scarlet Johansson's performance. Don't go watch it again unless you're a masochist, though.

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Nemesis # 1

Nemesis # 1
Marvel/Icon comics
Script: Mark Millar
Pencils: Steve McNiven
23 pages (sort of) for $2.99

Let's be real here, folks. We knew this was coming. We asked for it, and it does no good to complain about it now. Nemesis is 60 megaton no-sense-making, over-the-top-actioning, memorable-scene-creating fictional bomb that doubles as a three ring circus in the "real" world. God bless Mark Millar.

You really have to sit back and just admire the sheer audacity of it all. This is a Marvel book, yeah. Kinda. Millar and McNiven both are marquee names, sure. But Ed Brubaker is a name brand, and Criminal can't break 10,000 issues with the Icon imprint. Brian Michael Bendis is an institution, and does Powers do any more sales than that over at Icon? No matter how "big" you are, creator owned books can't sell. That's the rule.

I'm telling you right now, Nemesis is going to score over 100,000 orders, and we're going to buy them because Mark Millar told us to. That's it. "Yeah, but what about the Kick Ass buzz?" I don't care. This comic is probably going to be bigger than the next Blackest Night issue that hits stands, and it's going to be bigger because Mark Millar told us it is. Now THAT is genius. THAT is power.

What to say about the issue itself..hmmmm. Nemesis is a complete affront to common sense and sophistication, don't get me wrong. You will find yourself shaking your head at times, wondering about the logistics of it all. Things happen in this issue that will have you literally shouting at the comic book "AWWWW, C'Mon!!!!"



But you know what? That's the juice. That's what we pay the strange Scottish git to do to us. He's got us engaged in a way that other comic books do not. This isn't a serial story on a page, it's a happening. Can you believe that guy paid $8,000 to name the hero detective in this book? Did you hear Millar refer to himself as the new Stan Lee? Did he say that? It sounds like him. What about that Times Square ad? Oh wait, it was photoshopped?

How in the world are we going to avoid spending the $2.99 to get in on this? You can't do it. No, it doesn't pass the reality litmus test. It's not supposed to. This is a delicious hook with the equivalent of a half billion dollar movie budget, and you either roll with it or just resign yourself to the fact that you're not as much fun as Mark Millar. Nemesis is not a story. It's a comic book "happening" that you can be part of for three bucks a month.

Nemesis and his motivations seem completely improbable. He crashes trains, he hijacks Air Force One, and none of it is handled on the page so that you could believe it might actually happen. But you have to believe it, because it IS happening, and in very graphic detail:


The premise, in usual Millar fashion, is blood simple and profoundly compelling. An obscenely rich super-genius with access to impossible technology has dedicated his life to making the lives of top police officers across the globe a living hell. At the beginning of the story, he's finishing up with a Japanese super cop. His next target is Blake Morrow, one of Washington DCs finest.

Morrow has decreased crime in the city by 60%. (Really?) He's a straight shooter. And an accurate one:


So Nemesis decided to make a special project of him. Before ultimately killing the target, our villain likes to pour salt on wounds by committing heinous crimes and rubbing it in the law enforcer's face. So how do you humiliate Washington's top cop? You muck with the president of these United States, of course!

It's completely absurd. If you allow yourself to roll with it and just accept the Millar ride for what it is, you will enjoy yourself. A lot. Unfortunately, you won't be enjoying it for very long. Of the 23 pages, 12 consist of either splash pages or contain three panels or less. You can read this in five minutes if you really care to. That piece of it is irritating, I must admit. But like I said, you aren't even paying for the comic as such.

I love McNiven's pencils as well, although you can certainly tell the difference between this and say...Civil War. Ever wonder if a colorist really impacts the look of a book? Check out Bullseye from Civil War:

And then compare it to Nemesis here on the right. The difference is staggering, really. The depth of the image is night and day.

Again, I'm not saying that I dislike the look of Nemesis. It's good. But WOW.

So how do I grade out the first issue? I grade it out highly. I knew what I was getting into, and I enjoyed it. I would have appreciated a little more bang for my buck in terms of total content, but at least they didn't go $3.99, and that was certainly a possibility.

Nemesis provides exactly what it advertised: completely epic, ridiculously stupid fun. And how is that a bad thing?

- Ryan

Ryan's Best of 2008: Part IV

# 4: Wolverine - Marvel

Scripts: Mark Millar
Pencils: Steve McNiven

Wolverine is the # 4 book for 2008 because it was the most pedal-to-the-metal fun I had all year reading comics

I want to be clear about something before I start - when I say Wolverine, I mean "Old Man Logan". I'm not talking about what Jason Aaron and Mark Guggenheim did before him. I'm sure it was great. Well, I'm sure the Aaron stuff was at least pretty good. But I don't know, because I didn't read it. So there.

Of all the books on my countdown, it's the Millar titles that are the hardest to place. The problem is that when Mark Millar writes stories, you sit back and look at his concept and your jaw drops. You buckle up for the ride of your life, and for the most part you get it.

But there are also flaws, and Old Man Logan is no exception. Perhaps the most glaring weakness is that fact that you can read any of these issues in about 14 seconds. They are gorgeously rendered, the action is incredible, but it is horribly decompressed. Old Man Logan is the Fruit Stripe gum of comic books.

You also begin to recognize as you trod through the world of Old Man Logan that much of the scenery is actually hollow. There simply isn't enough time to give everything depth here, even without the terrible decompression. So after awhile you take a step back and go "wait a minute - I don't actually know very much about this post-apocalyptic future after all...he's just showing me an endless string of impossibly cool scenes!"

And you could feel bamboozled by that. But I have decided that I don't. I have decided for myself that the endless string of impossibly cool scenes trumps the fact that they occur in a world built of papier mache and cardboard. Cuz the scenes are that good.

If it sounds to you like this is not the kind of testimonial worthy of a # 4 book of the year, well, I don't blame you. I struggled mightily with the placement of this title, even briefly considered leaving it off the list.

But the facts are these: reading Wolverine was a genuinely guilty pleasure every time I picked it up, and I couldn't wait to see what that crazy fucker Millar had in store for me each time. It was the most fun I had all year, and that counts for a lot, actually.

I might wish for more depth. I might wish to have a detailed revealing of how the country was divided by the great villains of the Marvel Universe. I might wish to have a better explanation for why the territory is crawling with goddamn dinosaurs.

But that's not what this story is about. It's about two old gunslingers going up against impossible odds. It's about doing what you can in a world where the bad guys won. It's the mystery of how the planet's most feral warrior became a damn sissie. It's about cannibals. It's about Spider-Bitch.

And it's bloody awesome.




# 3: Green Lantern - DC

Scripts: Geoff Johns
Pencils: Mike McKone, Ivan Reis

Green Lantern is the # 3 book for 2008 because Johns is ambitiously attempting an epic new comic book mythos - and he's succeeding.

The event comics at Marvel and DC are designed to trade on the history of their respective universes. These things seem to "matter" because we've been watching them for years, our parents and grandparents knew who Superman was, and so when "big" things happen to these characters we are supposed to feel a certain gravitas about them.

That's why we're supposed to care about Brand New Day and Secret Invasion and Dark Reign and Countdown and World War Hulk and Final Crisis and Batman: R.I.P and Flash: Rebirth and Messiah complex and Annihilation: Conquest and Trinity. (Whew! Ran out of breath) We're instructed to care because these icons are supposedly changing - we're meant to believe we're watching history unfold.

Green Lantern is the only book out today that makes me feel that way. I believe that what Johns is doing with Hal Jordan and the core now is going to shape the way we view these characters for years to come. He is growing the mythos, and it is a wonder to behold.

I'm probably in the minority opinion on this, and I hear quite a bit of GL backlash. Steven Grant's # 1 wish for 2009 in his "Permanent Damage" column is a cease and desist order on more chromatic lanterns. Hannibal Tabu regularly slots the book in his "no, just no" section of "The Buy Pile".

I'll admit that names like Atrocitus border on the hokey, and that there might be such a thing as too many Lanterns. But then again, why would willpower be the only human psychological element you could draw power from? A multi-faceted Corps just makes sense to me.

Kittens puking fiery blood? I consider that precious. The stakes are high in Green Lantern every month, the relationships are complex. You have to love what Johns is doing with Sinestro, who is still very relevant, perhaps more relevant now than ever. This is a space opera done right and done smart.

If you want to watch the birthing of a grander Green Lantern, you need to be on this book now.

Ryan's Best of 2008: Part II

And the hits just keep ooooooooon comin'!



# 8: Kick-Ass - Marvel (Icon)

Scripts: Mark Millar
Pencils: John Romita, Jr.

Kick-Ass was the # 8 book for 2008 because for all of it's myriad flaws...it really did kick some serious ass.

Of all the books on my top ten list, this one has by far the most warts. The dialogue is painfully bad in parts. It's paced oddly. It doesn't come out on time. As a reader, you don't really like Dave Lizewski or any other character, for that matter. And for a book supposedly grounded in "reality", Kick-Ass really strains at your suspension of disbelief.

So having said that, how in the hell does this book make a best of list??? The answer is that this comic book is so pure in it's goals and so wild in its execution that no matter how absurd it gets, you cannot put it down.

Kick-Ass is blood simple. You've got Dave Lizewski. He's read a lot of comics, and his life is boring. In the real world, Millar tells us that superheroes aren't created from a sense of justice or vengeance; they are born in loneliness and despair. He's just a normal awkward teenager who puts on a ridiculous costume and hits the streets to fight crime.

Kick-Ass is completely unpredictable. The concept sounds so basic that you'd swear it HAD to have been done before. It hasn't. And every time you think you know where the story is going...you don't. It's better. There's only one book that came out in 2008 that was more pure fun than Kick-Ass - and it was another Mark Millar title we'll meet later, of course.

If you haven't noticed, Mark Millar is the preeminent concept guy in comics. His execution is often suspect, but nobody has better ideas. Simple, powerful, dynamic ideas. If you were foolish enough to start a comic book line right now and were looking for a Stan Lee - phone Mark Millar and pay him well. He'll build you a new universe that will work.



# 7: Invincible Iron Man - Marvel

Scripts: Matt Fraction
Pencils: Salvador Larocca

Invincible Iron Man was the # 7 book of 2008 because it was the perfect vehicle for Matt Fraction to showcase his talent for writing smart action/adventure.

While Kick-Ass might be the most flawed comic on my countdown, Invincible Iron Man might be the most perfectly crafted superhero book on the stands. Fraction brings it all on this title - the characters are vibrant, the dialogue is spot-on and distinct, Tony is brilliant, the stakes are high, the action is amped, and nine issues in we've yet to hit a lull.

I consider Mark Waid's original run on The Flash to be the benchmark of great superhero storytelling. Fraction's Iron Man is succeeding at a similar level for me.

I think the magic here is that Iron Man is facing off against epic opponents. First came a Stane using Tony's own technology against innocent victims. Ouchie. Now everything that he worked for with The Initiative and SHIELD is going to be undermined by a madman who's also hunting him like a dog. And a potential brain-wipe in the works? Now that's entertainment.

I adored what Matt Fraction was doing on The Order and Immortal Iron Fist, but they're both gone. He's got a co-writing credit on X-Men with pal Ed Brubaker, but if youre looking for pure Fraction, you need to be reading Invincible Iron Man.