Chronic Spotlight: Coming Attractions!

Here's some stuff lying around Previews that you might want to think about ordering from your LCS or other comic book provider. We'll start cheap and work our way up the ladder toward your inevitable bankruptcy.

T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents # 1
DC Comis
Script: Nick Spencer
Pencils: CAFU
$3.99 suggested retail

This was an ancient Tower Comics property, where a bunch of Joe Lunchboxes with regular day jobs would use technology to infuse themselves with super powers and work with the UN. As many of these stories go, it descended into a kind of Miracle Man type "who owns the rights?" Hell, only without the McFarlane stains. Those never come out, not really, I don't care how much Spot Shot you plaster onto them.

No, DC appears to own the property free and clear, and had the presence to hand it off to Nick Spencer, oh he of Morning Glories fame. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not ready to announce that Spencer is the Second Coming. Yet. But I'm not ruling it out, either.

Spencer is keeping to the tradition of using more regular folk as his starring cast. The new hook is that the powers administered to these characters are ultimately lethal. To them. My first response was "You know, I think I liked that concept better the first time I heard it when it was called Strikeforce Morituri."

The thing is, it's a really good concept, everything has been done before, and I'm more worried that it's handled correctly now. Art is by something calling itself CAFU. I don't know what that is, but it sounds illegal and I want one.

Suggested retail on this thing is $3.99, but I'm going to recommend something else. Go over to DCB Service and find the book in the "Specials" category. DC is offering this comic for 50% off....signed by Nick Spencer.

So you can either wait for your local shop to not order this and maybe pay $4 if they do. Or, you can get if from DCB Service for $2, complete with an authentic signature of rising superstar and probable Jesus/Minerva love child Nick Spencer. I know which way I'm leaning.

Dungeons & Dragons # 1
IDW Comics
Script: John Rogers
Pencils: Andrea Di Vito
$3.99 suggested retail (unknown price on module variant)

I reviewed the intro issue for this property, and it's a cute little action piece. It's not going to change your life or anything, but sometimes you just want to read an adventure story. John Rogers has screenwriting credits on Transformers and Leverage, so he knows how to do that.

I don't ordinarily get into variant covers. I get the scarcity angle, but it has no real draw for me. What IDW is doing on this book is actually quite clever, though. Rather than just staple a different cover on the variant, they dressed it up as an old D&D Module and are adding role-playing content. So after you're done reading the book, you can use it as a module for re-creating the adventure in a gaming world.

Now that is providing relevant content and added value to a product. Bravo, gents. And women. Whoever you people at IDW are.

Hack/Slash: My First Maniac S/N HC
Image Comics
Script: Tim Seeley
Pencils: Dan Leister
$29.99 suggested retail

Hack Slash is a great series. The scripts are always funny, and the Cassie/Vlad relationship is one of the best in comics. If you like horror in any genre, you like comics, or you like to laugh, this should be an automatic pick up.

Since Seeley took the property over to Image, the product is now hitting seamlessly and getting better. Here's something we never saw from DDP - a nice hardcover edition shipped fresh of the heels of the completed storyline.

Now, you can go cheap and just get the soft cover TPB for $9.99, available simultaneously. And by the way, how awesome is that to have both available instead of being forced to buy something you may or may not want just to have it now? It's super awesome.

Me, I'm going with the limited and signed hardcover edition. Suggested retail is $29.99, but I'm only going to spend $18 at DCB Service. That's just obscene. By the way, that edition is going to sell for $50 minimum this time next year and probably closer to $100. Apparently I'm the only person in this joint who isn't allergic to money, so you can just forget that profiteering stuff I just mentioned if it helps you sleep at night.

The Sword: Complete Collection Deluxe HC
Image Comics
Scripts: Joshua Luna
Pencils: Jonathan Luna
$99.99 suggested retail ($150 SRP for signed edition)

This is a product I've been waiting on for awhile now. If you've had your ear to the ground at all, you know this story gathered some rave reviews. Like, RAVE reviews. Like, anybody who has ever read this achieved a spontaneous orgasm at minimum, and its on record as lowering blood pressure and curing bronchitis. That's how well reviewed Sword is.

Now we have the entire 24 issue storyline collected in one giant tome, and I am ready to consume. This edition will be printed to order, and then it's gone for good - so get on if you're coming aboard, because it will never be cheaper than it will be to order now.

Incidentally, there is also a signed edition that will be strictly limited to 200 copies. If you can afford it, I would pull the trigger on that. The Luna Bros are a strong niche commodity, and The Sword has "comics legend" written all over it. Legends never go out of style. That signed edition? That's a $500 book waiting to happen.

Once again, it's available at DCB Service for $50 standard version and $100 for the signed limited edition.

- Ryan

Chronic News: Vulcan in X-Men First Class movie?

I sold a copy of X-Men: Emperor Vulcan today, which ordinarily would not be news. In this case the buyer was interesting to me - I sent it to X-Men First Class c/o Joe Naftalin at Pinewood Studios.

Naftalin is Assistant to one Paul Webster, producer of X-Men First Class. They're shooting the film at Pinewood right now.

Of course there's a billion different reasons why Joe Naftalin might want this book. For all I know, he just got interested in the characters and is looking for a little light reading.

But I think it's more likely that Paul Webster said "Joe, get me a copy of this thing for reference." So what's in it?

It's a Big Boom space battle book featuring some bad blood between Summers siblings Vulcan and Havok. Vulcan is running the Shi'Ar, and Havok has taken over the Starjammers. I can't see the interest stemming from the setting - it just doesn't seem likely that a "back to the roots" film will end up in space. It might make sense if they were planning on doing some Summers brothers madness, particularly if they were planning on adding Vulcan to the mix, though.

As it stands right now, IMDB does list Havok as a character appearing in the movie, played by Lucas Till. No mention of Vulcan anywhere. Could it be that the script is shifting on the fly to incorporate the character? Enquiring minds will want to know.

As for me, I don't care about any of that. I'm seeing the film one way or another, and I'd rather be surprised. The juice for me is the knowledge that somewhere out there, my book will be on the set as they film this thing....

- Ryan

Chronic Breakdown: Secret Six # 25!

Secret Six # 25
DC Comics
Script: Gail Simone
Pencils: J. Calafiore
22 pages for $2.99

You know, I wasn't going to do this. Lord knows I could not be more clear or vocal about how preternaturally excellent Secret Six is. But what happens is that inevitably I get to a Newsarama and read Vanessa Gabriel, who gives issue # 25 the "uber meh" and talks about how there is nothing "there."

And then I realize that as much work as I've done...it's time to take everybody back to school.

Issue # 25 opens with "Mr. Adrian", your typical disgustingly rich piece of crap. Bane and his motley crew of scrub Sixers have been hired by the guy's ex-wife to "negotiate" divorce terms.

By all accounts this should be the most cliched, dull scene in the history of comics. The stakes aren't high enough, and the reader has no investment in the job. Good thing for us, Gail Simone understands that it's rarely the job the matters: it's the people. It's the little things.

In terms of advancing the story, the actual goal here has nothing whatever to do with the mission. The goal is to demonstrate how things are progressing with Bane's gambit to build a new team.

It's pretty obvious through dialogue that it isn't really working out. It takes a special class of psychopaths to build a real dysfunctional family, and these new ones just don't fit in. Bane, God bless him, is undeterred. He's a well documented overachiever, so it makes sense.

That would be good enough right there, but let me show you some little stuff. Mr. Adrian has two...associates applying suntan oil to his massive girth. One of the girls, Traci, isn't showing enough enthusiasm for Adrian's taste, so he calls her out and shows her how it's done:

Now, sometimes suntan lotion is suntan lotion. But sometimes it's a hilarious foreshadowing of the hand job to come, complete with visual of man butter. Think I'm overselling it? What do you think "A little lower, Traci" means?

Still think I'm overselling it? Here's the next scene. Take a close look at Traci's face, by the way:

At this point Lady Vic fires an arrow into the eyeball of Adrian's # 1. Dwarfstar hitched a ride on the arrow, by the way. The important thing is that the panel is constructed so that we have a pair of binoculars and an arrow shaft rising up out of Adrian's groin:

That's not an accident, friends. What we have there, folks, is a very "unhappy ending." Instead of finishing with the climax he was looking for, Adrian's guy is now ejaculating blood from his eye. Now that's clever! And somebody's going to come to me with "there's nothing THERE"????

The next scene is one of the most touchingly creepy items you're likely to see this month. Black Alice is a newer member of the Six, and a couple issues back she confessed that her powers probably inadvertently gave her father terminal cancer. It's the sort of thing that happens in this title quite often.

So Lawton has decided that he's going to "fix" this in true Six fashion. He visits the family physician and starts asking questions. The doctor can't confirm that Alice is the cause, but given the circumstances, it does explain some anomalies.

Naturally Lawton threatens permanent damage if the doctor doesn't call Black Alice and tell her that she had nothing to do with causing her father's cancer:

That line, by the way, is pure genius. "I know where the bullets want to go." It isn't just that it's powerfully elegant. The genius comes in the fact that it's so simple, and so it doesn't sound false coming out of Lawton's mouth. And that's what Secret Six brings every month.

A good deed in this book means threatening an innocent doctor with a pistol. The other beautiful part is that Lawton isn't even able to properly enjoy it.

Real human emotion is uncomfortable for him. These characters all toy around with the idea of connecting to a better place inside of them, but it never seems to work out. Black Alice is definitely part of the family, though, if Floyd is willing to do that. Don't be surprised if he stabs her in the back next month, by the way. All part of the job. In order to fit in with Secret Six, you have maintain a tenuous balance between real affection and cutthroat dickitude.

Speaking of dicks, here's a neat little exchange between Giganta and Dwarfstar, part of Bane's little replacement team:

What's unstated there is that the Atom that Giganta was dating is Ryan Choi. The guy that Dwarfstar paid to have assassinated. Just another in a long line of quiet treasures. But there's nothing "there" in this issue.

I could go on and on. We haven't even discussed Catman going butt nekkid into a zoo exhibit so he can commit suicide by lion. And we sort of skipped over the part where Bane decides he's going to take the island he lands on in the name of the United States!

Listen up, America, and listen good: Secret Six isn't the best book you're not buying. It's the Best Book.

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Mata Hari Radical Premiere!

Mata Hari Radical Premiere
Radical Comics
Script: Rich Wilkes
Art: Roy Allan Martinez/Darzenka Kimpel
15 main feature pages + 6 extremely helpful bonus pages for $1.00

This is a shockingly good concept for a comic book. Did you know that the Mata Hari was executed by the French as a spy in 1917? I didn't. I'd heard the name before, of course, but all it conjured up for me was exotic dancing.

This is going to be quite a shot more interesting than following the exploits of Cinnamon at the Sugar Shack, my friends. All Cinnamon brings is Hepatitis and some pedestrian daddy issues. The Mata Hari brings stunning good looks, world class celebrity, and WWI conspiracy theories.

She's probably not as important as Rich Wilkes believes she is. I'm no history scholar, but Wilkes has her trial and subsequent execution as the turning point of the war, and by extension Western Civilization. Apparently, French soldiers were abandoning their posts and refusing to fight because things were going so poorly. The Mata Hari provided them a scapegoat for their troubles. It's infinitely more inspiring to believe that the whole thing went pear shaped because a dancer sold secrets than to imagine the more likely possibility that sometimes French generals just suck.

This is all fleshed out in the text-heavy bonus in the back, as good if not better than the comic stuff at the front. And while I think Wilkes overstates his case for the Mata Hari's importance a little, the good news is that it doesn't matter. What's important is that there's a really good story to be told, and this guy is way passionate about it.

There's going to be political intrigue, creative historical research, and I dare some sex as well. I like all those things. Somehow all this spy business has something to do with a 16 year-old Russian girl carrying around a jar with a severed head! How fun is that?

The comic looks fantastic, as all Radical books seem obligated to do. Wilkes can carry his own as a writer. When I read through the comic portion of the comic, I had some difficulty figuring out transitions. I would wonder why I was being plopped into a scene, or watching a particular character. The text at the back solved all of those problems and really stoked my intrigue about the project, though.

I wouldn't mind if that text continued throughout the series, actually. Wilkes obviously knows a great deal more detail about the history involved than he can reasonably fit into the comic. I think a "director's commentary" adding depth to the action would be warranted and appreciated for a book like this. We'll see.

In case you were wondering, this is not strict biography. The details of Mata Hari's interrogation were sealed as a matter of French national security for 100 years. (7 years to go before they become public) So what she actually did or sold to the Germans is a matter of speculation. But there are clues. Rich Wilkes has obviously studied that historical bread crumb trail, and is going to weave them into his own fictional tapestry.

Hey - if you like your history with a twist, this looks like your book, kids! Plus, there's going to be a hot naked war criminal dancing in her jail cell by the end of it. What's not to like?

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Wolverine # 1!

Wolverine # 1
Marvel Comics
Script: Jason Aaron
Pencils: Renato Guedes
22 main feature pages + 8 "bonus" for $3.99

This is a hard book for me to review. I'm so caught up in rage, depression, and exasperation surrounding the business end of yet another Wolverine reboot that I can hardly pay attention to the actual guts of the thing. How can you properly absorb the contents of a book that makes you want to pull your hair out and cry just looking at the cover?

I'll try to stick to the narrative for now. And just as an aside, I didn't read the backup story and I refuse to talk about it. That doesn't need to be there, it's a bullshit gimmick to make me believe this book needs to be $3.99, and it is beneath my attention. Also, please forgive my ignorance on the finer points of the backstory, as I am not a regular reader of Wolverine, X-Men, New Avengers, or any of the 37 different $3.99 one-shots Wolverine appears in each month. And there goes the rage again - see what I mean?

Let's try this again. This issue is the first part of the "Wolverine Goes To Hell" arc, and it appears to mean exactly what it says.

The comic opens with Wolverine having a heart-to-heart chat with Wraith regarding Logan's nature. It was a curiously ballsy thing to start things rolling so slowly, although I think the concept deserves it. If you're dealing with a man's soul, it makes sense to do some soul searching as it were.

Three weeks later Wolverine returns to Pastor Wraiths church and starts cutting on people to draw Wraith out for a fracas. This is a different kind of Wolverine, though. This Wolverine spits acid, has apparently raided the drabbest corner of Fallen Angel's closet, and has hollow eyes. So it isn't looking like Wraith has much of a future.

Cut to a scene with Melita Gardner, Wolverine's new girlfriend. She's working out a story deadline when a pack of psychotic luchadores busts into the San Francisco Post looking to put her head on a stick.

Enter Mystique, who busts in on her motorcycle exactly like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 2. She then tries very hard not to say the exact words "Come with me if you want to live." She sort of succeeds. At least enough to avoid an instant law suit.

Mystique lets it drop that there's a division right now between Wolverine's body and soul, and then we finally get a glimpse of Logan in the great pit itself. Something down there that acts a lot like Satan is very bored. You torture enough regular people, it just doesn't do it for you any more. Now, Wolverine....that's a spicy meatball!

If it seems like I hated the book, you got me wrong. I'm not so jaded that I can't enjoy the concept of The Devil Vs. Wolverine. It's a big idea, and it could be fun. To be honest, I really enjoyed the parts where Logan is equipping Melita with a bunch of intergalactic guns and mace in case she needs them. I would actually like to read a book where Wolverine gets softened up by a regular girl on the metro beat at the local paper, while she learns on the fly to get tough. I think I would like that book a lot.

This feels like a Mark Millar story on a half dose of Ritalin, and you know what? That's not a bad thing at all. Except.

What I read was still probably too over the top, mainly because of the hell angle. Those luchadores are just too silly for me if the goal is to really sell the "soul in peril" angle. If we're going to take Wolverine's plight seriously, why these clowns? I guess I should expect nothing less from the man who gave us killer demon nuns in Ghost Rider. My point is it makes the tone inconsistent.

And while the jumping around in time isn't a deal-breaker, there is something to be said for getting to the fucking point. Do I want to know what happened in the three weeks between Wolvie's trips to First Kestrel Baptist Church? Yeah, I do. But not as much as I want to know what's going on now. If the hook is strong, it doesn't need the bait, it can stand on its own.

Now it's time to admit the very real possibility that I'm being overly unkind because of the baggage a new Wolverine # 1 brings to my soul. Wasn't Jason Aaron just writing a Wolverine book with a $3.99 price tag? Wasn't that barely a year ago that it started? What do we need this for?

Did you notice that Ultimate Spider-Man, oh wait, I'm sorry - Ultimate Comics Spider-Man is returning to "legacy" numbering 23 seconds after it's goddamn reboot? I don't know how to feel about that. I fully expect that they'll reboot to something calling itself Comics Ultimate Man-Spider # 1 about three months later. Hey, wait...why don't we just publish a new # 1 in odd months, then publish 99 $3.99 one-shots plus a new centennial "legacy" numbered special in even months? That would be super, wouldn't it?

What's upsetting to me is that it is finally sinking into my brain that the emperor has no clothes. If Marvel cannot put together a Wolverine ongoing that will withstand a full calendar year, the emperor is butt naked, and it's time to face that fact.

And I get it, OK? We're all very stupid for now, and Marvel is going to sell more copies of this than they did Wolverine: Weapon X # 16. They will. But when the relaunch hits 16 months after the relaunch, especially with the same writer, how is that not re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic? If Marvel can't keep Wolverine afloat, the ship isn't sinking....it's sunk.

So should I be mad, or should I cry? Who is to blame? Is anybody? Did we not do enough as readers, or did Marvel piss away everything by failing to leverage its movie exposure into the publishing arm, or is it just fate that nothing last forever, and its time for the medium I love to die its natural death? If that's the case, then I would prefer that we just run with a book called "Wolverine", do the best work possible, and let the thing die with some goddamn dignity.

That's what I see when I look at Wolverine # 1. I see the tombstone of the medium. That and Wolverine copping a squat in Hell. It seems appropriate, somehow.

- Ryan

Morning Glories DCB Service sketch!

When Morning Glories was first solicited, DCB Service offered its customers a very special deal. You could order up to two copies of the first issue at 75% off, and also receive a free sketch from penciller Joe Eisma.

I just got my sketch of Casey in the mail today, and it sent my robotic heart all aflutter:


Of course, back then I didn't know Morning Glories was going to be The Next Big Thing. I knew that Nick Spencer was excited about it, the concept was intriguing, and for 99 cents? You kidding me?

As I type this the going rate for 1st prints on Morning Glories # 1 is about $25. And hey, if you missed the first boat, the 2nd print hits shelves on Wednesday. If you're looking for something new, different, better...this is the book. The two titles that have really invigorated my love for the medium right now are Morning Glories and Scarlet, and they're both on racks this week - it's a good week to be a comics fan! But I'm digressing.

The point is that I have a piece of original Glories art from Joe Eisma, and that's about the coolest thing in the world. And if I could have picked a subject, I would have chosen Ike or Casey. So I'm not sure how I could be happier.

John Mayo estimates that DCB Service has about 3,000 subscribers. Tough to estimate how many of those customers even looked at that offer - maybe 10%? How many pulled the trigger - maybe 5%? That would be 150- 200 people at best. Tough to know how many got two sketches as well. I only went with one. My best unscientific, unsubstantiated guess is that there are about 300 of these available.

Can you imagine an offer for a copy of Y the Last Man # 1 with a Yorick sketch by Pia Guerra enclosed, or a Walking Dead # 1 complete with an original Rick sketch by Tony Moore limited to 300?

That's pretty much what I've got, folks. Many of you are wondering how quickly I'm running to post this, documented street walker that I am. Truth is, you'd have to pry my Casey sketch from my cold, dead hands. Oh yeah. This stays with me.

- Ryan

Chronic Mailbag!

People who listen to the show send us stuff, some of it is even mildly edifying. Here's a letter from long time Friend Of The Show (and just plain long time friend) Nick J:

August 27, 2010

I would like to point out Ryan IS WRONG!! Star Wars Legacy ended but will be back as a 6 issue mini-series called Star Wars Legacy War.

Unlike other publishers, Dark Horse has never been one for prolonging a series simply to do so. Our comics come from a place of creativity and artistic expression, and this applies to all of our titles, whether creator owned or licensed property.

One of our promises to ourselves, our fans, and George Lucas himself was that we would treat our line of Star Wars books with the highest level of respect. We hope that you'll agree that we've achieved this goal, and trust you'll take our word when we say that we'll continue to strive for such high standards.

We are proud to say that the quality of Star Wars: Legacy has never dropped. John Ostrander and Jan Duursema have consistently created issue after issue of excellent art for nearly four years straight. Very few creators can claim such landmark success, and we hope John and Jan are as proud as we are of delivering such great material.

We have never felt that John and Jan's work dipped below the benchmark of fine sequential art. So, it was a hard, but ultimately necessary, decision to close this chapter of the Star Wars universe with issue #50.

I don’t see anything about sales but I guess it always could be. I just like saying Ryan is WRONG!!!

Response:

Of course I'm wrong. You've been listening to the show for three years and there's still some vestige of novelty in the concept that something came out of my mouth with no relationship whatsoever to reality? Go figure.

Except in this case, I'm not really wrong. What I actually said on the show was "...the sales figures did not justify continuing the series." That was my take.

If you parse through that bullshit press release, you can plainly see that I'm mostly right. They're cancelling the book because of respect for the franchise??? And then they go through extolling the virtues of Ostrander & Duursema. The quality never dropped, so naturally we killed it.

Except they didn't kill it. They're going to bring it back with a new # 1 as a mini-series. Sales on Star Wars: Legacy was right at the 20,000 mark. This is in the black, but not by much. Those numbers absolutely crush something like Fear Agent, so I might have been strong by implying its existence isn't justified. But if you really believe that move was predicated on some mythical "higher standards" instead of looking to defeat attrition with a # 1 re-boot...you deserve your fate.

So I still maintain I'm right, but it's perfectly appropriate for you to assume that I'm wrong, and also to enjoy it.

Bob Bird posted this on our Facebook wall!

August 30

"Love the market spotlight! Just picked up a copy of Nightwing Year One for five bucks!"

Response: Good on ya, Bob! Nice to see somebody is putting the information to good use. That particular book is an easy sell in basically any condition at $20, and easy to flip in nice shape for $30-$35.

Nightwing is one of those weird properties that does absolutely nothing in floppy form, but Dick Grayson fans will pay big money to read their favorite hero in collected form. Rough Justice and Hunt For Oracle are the ones I've had the most success with, followed closely by Ties That Bind, Knight in Bludhaven, and Year One. You can often get cover or more for Big Guns, Lost Year, and even Darker Shade of Justice is edging toward $20 or better.

PS: Suck it, Remington! People love making money and dumping it back into their collections. It just makes sense, man, and this is shit we're doing that you pretty much can't find anywhere else on the CPN. If anybody knows different, please let me know - I'd love to listen to another show that tackles the subject.

Here's a missive from Jesse:

August 30

" so I missed the boat on reselling my Ultimates Omnibus that I bought for $65. They were selling a few weeks ago for $100+. Oh well, no biggie, I kind of want to open it and read through it at some point.

I'm wondering though, was The Ultimates Omnibus specifically reprinted recently? Or a new stash found? Did Amazon's supply run out and that's why the price fluctuated? Are there stockpiles available at Diamond, or wherever Amazon is getting its distribution from?

These inquiries are all leading in one direction: why the hell can't I get a New X-men Omnibus for less than $250. Why is there no second printing of these things? I feel like any collected volume getting after-market sales of $200+ should be a signal to any company that there is still demand for the item (though maybe it really doesn't justify the cost of another print run).

What say you?"

Response: Tough to say exactly where that new influx of Ultimates Omnibi came from, but it isn't unprecedented for Amazon to make a warehouse find. This happened with Deadpool Vol 1 Premiere Hardcover recently. Right now the low listing for that book in the $60 range, but I'd be a bit wary of believing that Amazon actually has that book in stock when I see the "usually ships in 2-4 weeks" message. It should actually read "won't ship even if Hell freezes over."

Sit tight on Ultimates Omnibus, that carousel should come around again. When it hits that $120+ range, time to dump. I'll have my eyes open and ears to the ground - listen to the show, I'll let you know when it's time to pounce!

As for Marvel's reprinting practices, well, we're all scratching our heads. I could make a list of really obvious itches that need to get scratched in about five minutes. Aside from the New X-Men Omnibus, they really need to go back to press on the Frank Miller Daredevil Ominbus, the Bendis Daredevil Vol 1, Eternals Omnibus, Tomb of Dracula Vol 1, Fantastic Four Vol 2, and the Alias Omnibus.

That's just for starters off the top of my head. There are many, many people out there begging for the Marvel Knights Punisher material and the Jurgens run on Thor, and it just isn't available. Marvel loses money every day failing to pay attention to this stuff. Incidentally, Dan Buckley, if you're out there: I would love to fix this for you, and I am available. Just sayin'.

Thanks to everyone who takes the time to listen and chime in!

- Ryan