Chronic Review: Batman Under the Red Hood dvd!

This is the strongest of the DC animated features to date. Actually, let me rephrase that more accurately. Batman: Under the Red Hood is the strongest feature length animated film DC has released to date. The best work they've produced so far is the Jonah Hex short also included on this DVD.

I particularly enjoyed the nearly perfect 50/50 blend of action and drama. No origin story or obligatory buzz killing introductions to wade through, and that helped big time.

I haven't read the original comics work by Judd Winnick, (who also developed the screenplay) so I can't comment on how the movie stacks up against the source. What I know is that the story uses a tried and true vengeance hook that really does work.

Nothing in here tries to re-invent the wheel. You've got all the classic Bat-elements involved. Batman and multiple Robins, multiple bad guys including Ra's al Ghul and The Joker. Under the Red Hood was wise to roll a good dollop of Batman's most iconic ingredients into one satisfying stew.

Are there any flaws? Sure, I could nitpick. If I see one more character deflect multiple bullets with a goddamn sword I'm going to puke. I don't know where that trope came from, but it needs to go away, like now. Here's the thing. If that character is such a badass, and has such incredible reflexes that they can redirect a high velocity round with a blade....why are they being struck with punches two seconds later? If you want to bend the rules of time and space, fine. Just be consistent with it, kay? OK.

There is one particular plot point that I hesitate to say much about, but let's just say that the Red Hood's "master plan" really feels like a stretch. Also, the Joker and Red Hood are having a conversation with each other 1,000 yards apart, which feels a bit strange even while they're shouting, and quite impossible when they aren't.

None of those things are deal-breakers, though. Some of the action sequences in the movie are an absolute joy to watch. There's a fight toward the beginning of the film where Nightwing shows up to help his old mentor take on an android called Amazo. The whole thing is, well, beautiful. Nightwing's color scheme looks particularly good while fighting, which I recognize is an odd thing to say, but just trust me. When you watch it, you'll be nodding your head in agreement with me, and then the person watching it with you will think you're odd. So it will all even out.

The Red Hood makes a good foil for Batman for many reasons, but the most interesting ones to me were the philosophical ones. There's a showdown of sorts between the Red Hood, Joker, and Batman at the end that really pays off for me. I'm not convinced that Batman has the best, most convincing answers to the questions posed to him by the Red Hood, and that's not even the point. The point is how satisfying it is to have a character in the story call Bruce out on questions readers have wondered for decades.

It's hard to talk about these things without getting spoiler heavy, which has never stopped me before, so I don't know why I'm being considerate now. Suffice to say that if you have any interest in Batman or enjoyed any of the other DC animated films, this one will not disappoint.

And then there's the Jonah Hex short. Oh, what a shame we only got 10 minutes of this!

Some may balk at the "anime" style employed, but I thought it looked great. The script is sharp, to the point, true to the character, and ended with punch. Really wish we could have had a full 90 minutes of Jonah Hex, and the live action film crew should have watched this animated film to see how it's done...

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Jonah Hex!

Just as an aside, my usual habit is to spoil the ever loving shit out of anything I review. So forewarned is forearmed and all that rot...

I was always going to see this film in the theater, but there was no real urgency to it....until. This movie hit and the world lost its mind. Rottentomatoes had it wearing a 9% fresh rating a few days ago. It's at 15% as I type this. People are reacting to this movie as though it caused the BP spill and a new form of syphilis. And then I just HAD to go see it.

Is it a bad movie? Well yes it is, actually. I can think of four significant (and sadly very correctable) objections to the Jonah Hex film:

Objection # 1: The Tone is a little too goofy
Jonah Hex is supposed to be a weird western saga. There should be some menace, a feeling that all is not well in the universe. There should be an element of fear or at least discomfort somewhere in this movie, and there never ever is.

There was one moment when we had just an inkling of the correct tone for the film. Hex approaches a dead man to interrogate him, and for one sparkling shiny moment, there is a feeling that something dark, interesting, slightly out of control is going to happen. Then all the corpseness falls away from the actor's face, he looks like a normal guy, and the entire effect is ruined. Sad.

I get it, by the way. The job of the movie studio is to sell tickets, and I'm sure they believe (perhaps correctly) that a really dark and unsettling Jonah Hex will not play to the wider masses. So they don't do it. They try to tell a lot of jokes, and they're very careful to let you understand that Jonah Hex is a good guy at all times, and there's a Pretty Woman love story with a whore in it.

Yay for the masses, I suppose. Arrrgh for those expecting a Jonah Hex movie.

Objection # 2: It's too political
I guess that since Jonah Hex was a confederate soldier, it may be unfair for me to criticize the film's politics. Maybe if they'd stuck to the politics of 1876 I would have been more comfortable with it.

Somehow this "western" has overtones of terrorism and big government, and not only was all of that entirely unnecessary, but it absolutely detracted from the very simple revenge story. Trying to make that story hinge upon the heart and fate of America was just a poor idea poorly executed.

Objection # 3: What is with the tech obsession?
Why in the world is this movie trying to be James Bond? I just can't fathom it no matter how hard I try. A large portion of the comic's charm, the character's charm, the genre's charm is its distinct lack of technology.

We want to go see Jonah Hex so that we can escape mini guns, rocket launchers, and WMDs. I want to know who put that in the script, and then I want to know who looked at it and said "Yup, that's a keeper!" These people should not have jobs any more. I was waiting for Brolin to pull off his boot and make a phone call with it.

Now to be fair, it isn't unprecedented for Jonah Hex to use an automatic weapon. He's appeared in the comics with such weapons before. But that scene with the cannons on the horse? That doesn't make sense on any level.

Just before he opens up with that monstrosity, he makes a joke about how he didn't drag the full body of his fourth bounty because the guy was too heavy for his horse. That guy is too heavy, but your building evaporating cannon makes sense? It's just gratuitous and it doesn't fit, and that's the least grating of the many tech items in the film.

Hey! Assholes!!! This is a western. Yeah, a western. You no use techie. It not future enough for techie. Go write Star Trek and leave Jonah Hex alone. It's unbelievable.

Objection # 4: The Obligatory Romantic Puke Shit
Note to Hollywood: not everything needs to have a romance in it. I know they'll never get the memo, and no matter how many films they ruin with this bullshit, they'll never believe that the ill-conceived, misbegotten, oddly fitting romance nonsense was part of the problem.

It doesn't make any sense. It's part of the tone problem. And by the way, there were no packs of satisfied women walking out of that theater thinking they just watched "Fried Green Tomatoes" with guns. You poisoned your soup for no reason.

Women want largely the same thing everybody else wants: Batman stories that don't suck. We've seen the research. And you know what? If you could have demonstrated inside the story that there is some compelling reason these two fell for each other, I'd feel differently. Maybe they should have hung a really weird story around Jonah and Lilah's doomed romance. I think I could have enjoyed that picture.

But that's not what they did at all. They plopped a square romantic peg into a round western actioner hole, and it hurt going in. Badly.

So that's that. And just as an aside, I don't list this as an objection, but did you know that Jonah Hex was a certifiable pyro? Because apparently, he is. Can't visit anything or talk to anybody without setting it or them on fire. Just so you know.

OK. Now that I've had my go at the movie, I have to admit that none of those things end up being deal-breakers for me. Just off the top of my head, let me list five comic book films that are WAY worse than Jonah Hex:

• Ghost Rider
• Elektra
• Punisher War Zone
• Batman & Robin
• The Spirit

Yeah, the tone is slightly off, but at least it's consistent. Josh Brolin doesn't do anything wrong as Jonah Hex. And the script doesn't butcher the character, either. I would say the script cheapens the character in his romance with Lilah and the fact that he wears the white hat a little too comfortably. But for the most part, he's a no-bullshit gunfighter with a rigid personal code who will shoot you in a heartbeat if you step on that personal code. They got that part correct.

This movie never drags, and it had the good sense not to run three hours long. Does the plot really make sense? No, it really doesn't, because they had to shoehorn in the whole domestic terrorism angle and make Jonah Hex an acting US Marshall. But the revenge angle? Call it cliched or iconic, but that part works. Malkovich does nothing to make the Turnbull character compelling, but you can understand why Hex wants him dead, and that's enough to drive the story.

So yeah. I understand the frustration with this movie, because it's so easy to see the film it could have and should have been while watching the disappointment in front of you. But as a film...this isn't really even in the bottom half of the superhero genre. Go watch Catwoman and come talk to me about bad movies, my friend. This is a walk in the park!

By the way, you should be doing this anyway, but you need to check out the Where Monsters Dwell radio show this Wednesday. They're going to have Jonah Hex comic writer and all-around entertaining bastard Jimmy Palmiotti on to talk about this movie! And just sos you know, Palmiotti isn't going to sugar coat this if he doesn't like it. It might be the most entertaining interview you hear all year!

- Ryan

Christmas Sucks: Part 5

Christmas: a time to betray your children's trust. YES...it's the time of year to spin a web of lies and deceit about mystical bearded men to your little ones, and I say it's a good thing.

We have far too many children out there who are being fed a steady diet of "you're a special snowflake" nonsense. We are populating the world with useless halfwits who are destined to be good for nothing but the licensed therapist industry. Lie to your children early and often. Toughen them up. Do it.

How did Ryan discover there was no Santa Claus? Same way I figured out most everything else...by reading a book. My parents had a bookshelf loaded mostly with self-help books, like "I'm OK, You're OK." I was having none of that. My personal philosophy from the age of 3 has been "I suck, but you're a frickin' IDIOT." And then there was my personal favorite from the family library....Helter Skelter.

While most little scamps were fumbling their way through Green Eggs & Ham, I was studying the Tate/LaBianca murders committed by the Manson family. And that's pretty much all you need to know about how I turned out the way I did.

One day I was paging through a parenting manual, and read through a passage guiding moms and dads through the art of teaching their kids about Santa Claus and trying to let them down easy when they finally twigged onto the truth. I was mortified, of course. Ah, delicious betrayal! They had lied to me! And I've been a better man for it, because if THOSE people were completely full of shit and able to weave tapestries of deception so I could amuse them with my fabricated wonder.....what was the rest of the world capable of? Awesome.

So what could possibly take the sting out of a season built upon untruths? How about movies based on comic books? That's what the folks at Chronic Insomnia do.

Some people think that 2009 was a significant year for comic book films. They're wrong. It was a banner year for genre entertainment, with Star Trek, GI Joe, and Transformers. But comic books? Not a whole lot.

There were some very brief appearances from minor players like The Surrogates. But the big daddy, really the only comic film worth talking about for 2009 was The Watchmen. It's largely forgotten already, but it's difficult to imagine a comic film arriving with more hype.

If you haven't seen it yet, you should probably visit Youtube and spin the Chronic Insomnia Watchmen Movie Special. It's probably our most ambitious project ever, and it turned out pretty darned good. Interesting if for no other reason than to see the Manatee in pre-weight-loss bulbous glory!

2010 figures to be a way better year for comic book films. Let's preview a bit, shall we?



Dead of Night, April
This was born in 1999 as a series of graphic novels called "Dylan Dog" from Dark Horse comics. It's about a supernatural detective named Dylan Dog, played in the film by Brandon Routh. I think this might be a nice little sleeper. I worry when a project is slanted toward grabbing big name stars. This one has serviceable talent, and the star of the show may actually end up being the script, which is preferable. I'm excited for this one.

Also, now might be a good time to pick up the original comics by Tiziano Sclavi and Angelo Stano or the TPB for Dylan Dog released earlier this year. If there is buzz about the film, those are bound to skyrocket. Take a poke through your LCS and see if you can grab these at cover or less.

Losers, April
This is an old Vertigo book by Andy Diggle, where after being betrayed and left for dead, members of a CIA black ops team root out those who targeted them for assassination. Yeah, that could work.



Kick-Ass, April
Mark Millar is an unstoppable machine! The original mini still hasn't been finished, and this movie is ready to launch in April???? Only that crazy Scottish git could pull it off. I'm telling you right now, the breakout star of the year is going to be Chloe Moretz, who plays Hitgirl in the movie. She's a whirling dervish of karate and charisma. She is going to own 2010.


Iron Man 2, May
The downside here is that Terrance Howard got a raw deal, and Whiplash is kind of a lame villain. But on the plus side, I can watch Robert Downey, Jr. play Tony Stark all day long. I'm interested to watch how this film may or may not progress toward the ultimate Avengers film. And then of course there's.....




Oliva Munn! Yeah. I'm in.






Jonah Hex, June
Jimmy Palmiotti describes this as a "heavy metal western", complete with soundtrack by....Mammoth? Hmmmmm. I'd be very scared about this becoming a giant pile of excrement, but I do have faith in Josh Brolin, who's an inspired choice to play Jonah. Yeah. Still a little scared, but I'm definitely going to go see it.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, unknown
Can't get a confirmed release date on this, but everyone involved seems to think this is coming out sometime in 2010. Scott Pilgrim has been a critical darling, and a little more female friendly than your standard comic book fare. If it gets a few more women into some comic book shops, I'm all for it. But for me, I'm not dying to see this in the theater. I'll rent it, though.


- Ryan