Thursday, September 15, 2011

Chronic Insomnia # 203: Enik's Post Game Wrap Up!

Greetings and salutations from the Land of the Lost.  I am Enik, mutant sleestak genius, and having just shuffled the pylons to catch the latest Chronic Insomnia podcast, feel compelled to clarify a few trifling matters.  Ryan Lee is quite correct in describing me as a lamentable figure - I spent a significant portion of my day observing my sleestak brethren bugger a shockingly large number of fruits and animals.  He was quite incorrect in classifying me as fiction, however.  To paraphrase Descarte - "I blog, therefore I am".

While my Earl Gray steeps, I shall annotate and elucidate upon the Peter North Corneas episode:

Peter North
Ryan claims to have the "Peter North of corneas".  Born one Alden Brown, and Canadian at that.  He's a legend in the porn industry, or at least so I'm told.  I have no experience with such tripe and filth, and have certainly not dialled up Mr. North's scene in "Dickochet" with the pylons three hundred and eighty seven times.  I know that for sure.

And I absolutely did not watch it with a sedated and semi-nude Holly Marshall, either.  What do you think "acquitted" means, people?  Appalling that you'd even bring it up, really.

Fuckin right, they do
Panda Poop
In what passes for credible journalism on the show, Mike and Ryan also delved into the recent scientific breakthroughs discovered in panda feces.  Turns out the bacterium found in panda scat is exceptionally adept at breaking down plants and wood fiber into basic sugars.

Contrary to the wrongheaded hosts of Chronic, this does not mean you should sprinkle it on your breakfast cereal.  It means that it may prove to be a better biofuel alternative to ethanol, which the hosts would recognize if they weren't busy fantasizing about panda obsessions with Timothy Olyphant.  Absolute rubbish.  All panda test groups to date have shown that they clearly prefer Ian McShane.

Ben Wa
Not actually a person.  Simply another case of Ryan talking directly out of his rectum.  In fact it's well known that "Ben Wa Balls" were created by Richard Gere, who paid Booster Gold to plant them back in the 13th century so as to avoid suspicion about their true origins.  True story.

Hot, for a human
Meg Coburn
Mira Sorvino was really hot in Replacement Killers, and she did play a white collar crook forging passports.  Somebody alert the press, Chronic Insomnia got something right.  Tastes vary, of course.  I far prefer to watch an old episode of "V", or perhaps Species 3.  Call it my reptile bias.

That whistling in the background would be my tea.  I suppose I'll sit down with a cup and try to ignore my sleestak brothers performing their own experiments with bear poop.  I wouldn't call what they're doing science, though.  No.  Not science at all.

Perhaps we'll meet again, friends from another world, when we discuss a future episode of the World's (and perhaps multiverse's) Most Absurd Comic Book Podcast.....

-  Enik
Mutant Sleestak Genius, and keeper of pylons

No comments: