Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Great Beer Off!

If you listen to our sister show in Canada you know they constantly give us Americans a jab in the ribs on how weak our "American" beer is and I'm sick of it. It just ain't so you filthy Canadians, and I can prove it.

Over 90% of the beer around the world is under 5.5% ABV. Now you might be asking yourself, at least if your an idiot like me, what the fuck is ABV? Well it stands for Alcohol By Volume. That means Canadians, in their infinite wisdom, measure their alcohol by volume rather than by weight, which gives them a bigger number on their cans. (This one goes to 11 type of mentality) Americans measure their alcohol by Weight. How does this make any sense? Well let me give you a small math lesson and we'll see where we're at after that.

If you have 1 liter of 4% ABV Beer, 4% of that liter, or 40ml, is alcohol. However since alcohol only weights 79.6% as much as water, that same beer in America is only 3.18% ABW. So that means to a Canadian, 3.2% beer is really 4.0%. Canadians naturally heard the two numbers and thought their beer was stronger, WRONG! What does this all mean? Well it means our beer is just as strong as yours.

Now are we wimps when it comes to liking light flavored beer? Well that's a different story. We like our Coors, Bud, Miller and other crap, but as far as getting you fucked up on a Friday night, it's gonna do it just the same as Canadian beer will. As a matter of fact the average American beer is actually stronger, alcohol wise, than many of the heavier, more bitter beers in England or Canada. Big Flavor does not mean more alcohol. If you buy a Miller Genuine Draft in Canada it's going to have the same amount of alcohol in it than the ones I buy in the city that God forgot.

So suck it Canadians, we can get just as fucked up as you can on beer and we actually have sections of our country that are warm for more than twenty days of the year. So we've got that going for us. Also friends of the show that drink Coors Light shouldn't throw stones at us for drinking weak beer, which I just proved is not that case. Coors Light is NOT beer, it's fucking water. Guinness is supposed to be strong huh? Well it's only about 4.2% ABV, so yeah not really. It's almost as weak as our 3.2% ABW beer which we can buy at gas stations and grocery stores. YEAH BABY!


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