Christmas Sucks: Part 1

Christmas sucks gigantic iguana balls, it just does. You know it. I know it.

It's that time of year when the most popular individual sport is suicide, you leverage yourself into a financial grave throwing presents on your credit cards at 27% interest, and you can't enter a goddamn retail establishment without some bell ringing jackhole from the Salvation Army making you feel like the world's biggest asshole.

But Chronic Insomnia is hear to make it all a little bit more passable, with the kind of piss and vinegar you've come to expect. So buckle up, and here we go!

Hey - Time magazine just released it's Top 10 comics from the last decade, and it looks a little something like this:

1. The Ultimates
2. 100 Bullets
3. Planetary
4. All Star Superman
5. The Walking Dead
6. The Authority
7. Mouseguard
8. Blankets
9. Invincible
10. Y The Last Man

Rich Johnston pretty much tore this list a new arse on Bleeding Cool, whining about how there wasn't enough "diversity" represented, which is a more elite way of saying it didn't feature enough bullshit that sold 300 copies to friends of the author. The kind of boring ass material featuring stick figure art that everybody wants to pretend to like in order to appear cultured. I'll take a pass, thanks.

Listen. I won't suggest that nothing good could grow in a small indy press. Anything is possible. I should probably test drive something like Ware's "Acme Novelty Library" so that I could properly undress it as pretentious tripe from an informed position.

But really, I don't have a problem with Time sticking with mainly mainstream items. I just think they got a few of them wrong. Here's my Top 10 of the "oughts":

Planetary Probably the most important book of the decade from probably the most important creator of the decade. This is Warren Ellis completely unbridled, his wildest ideas distilled inside of Cassaday's unparalleled pencils. There was nothing like this before, and I suspect we'll see nothing like it in the future.

Y the Last Man This was difficult to keep from the # 1 slot. A timeless and incredible hook. Each issue brought humor, humanity, philosophy, and a unique look at gender relations that never preached or condescended. It's hard to imagine handing this book to somebody who couldn't enjoy it on some level. Near perfect.

Authority If you read current superhero books, what your reading is directly and irrevocably influenced by what Warren Ellis laid down here. It's all been said before, but it remains the truth. Bigger than life cinematic storytelling came out of this Pandora's Box.

Astonishing X-Men Before anyone loses their mind thinking "God, why don't you suck off Warren Ellis a little more!" This is on here strictly for the Joss Whedon run. Whedon had a crucial impact on both television and comic books for the decade, and no "best of" list can justifiably omit his work, if you want my opinion. Morrison re-invented Marvel's flagship, turned it into something unrecognizable. Whedon reminded us about everything we used to love about the X-Men, and then turned the volume up to 11. Genius.

Daredevil Could be the most consistently brilliant book on the list. I mean seriously - You go from Bendis to Brubaker to Diggle? The other books on this list were dominant for pieces of the decade - Daredevil was a must read for the entire period. Simply amazing.

Walking Dead Much like Whedon, no top list of this decade can go without something Kirkman, and the obvious choice is Walking Dead. Raw, brutal, and about the only thing to survive the zombie craze that it inspired, mostly because it was always the best. Kirkman kept readers on their toes with a "nobody's safe" policy, and was without question the strongest independent seller of the decade, building a trade paperback empire. Think about this - while every other book in the comics publishing industry suffers from attrition, Walking Dead gains readers without benefit of "events" or "creator shakeups". It deserves recognition for that alone

New X-Men Morrison and Quitely blew the dust off of this dinosaur, ripped the guts out, blew it up completely, then rebuilt it interesting. What a concept! The ideas are completely out of control, the costumes went bye-bye, and when you go back and read it now, it's hard to believe Marvel actually allowed Morrison to do this to such a staple. Just count your lucky stars that they did, because it's absolutely wonderful.

Secret Six Many will call this a reach, but I just couldn't leave this off - it's too beautiful. This might be the best superhero comic I've ever read, and of course it features no heroes at all. The characterization is rich, the dialogue is extraordinary, the plot is always a heart punch, and you can always expect the unexpected. This would deserve to be on the list if it was pencilled poorly, but Nicola Scott is a rare gem on top of it. This should be the best selling book on the stands, frankly.

Spider-Man This one may have ranked higher if the JMS run had ended differently, but "One More Day" did unfortunately stain it. The good news is that Brand New Day works. However much we might despise how it got there, the current stories put Peter in a fresh spot that usually entertains. Much like Daredevil, it's hard to find a spot during the decade when this title wasn't excellent.

Fables Impossible to do one of these and ignore Vertigo. Sandman owned the 90s, and Bill Willingham stepped up to the plate and took over deftly. I'll still put Gaiman ahead of him, but this series has picked up the torch and ran with it admirably.

These are really tough to do, of course. I left off 100 Bullets, Ennis' Punisher run, Johns' Green Lantern run, and that just seems crazy. Lists are nonsense, but they're fun.

So tell me, dear Insomniacs - what else did I miss?

- Ryan

Remember, Remember, the 5th of November...

"Remember, Remember, the 5th of November, the gunpowder treason and plot
I know of no reason the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot...."

Yes, folks we should jolly well remember Guy Fawkes and the gunpowder treason! I think Quincy is about ready to send a little gunpowder treason toward podbean.com because of all the technical trouble we've been having with the site!!!

Now is good time to dust off your V for Vendetta DVD....or better yet, read the bloody book!

As per usual, the book is a superior vehicle for telling the story. It's certainly more in depth psychologically with the characters, and avoids the farcical Hollywood romance that the Wachowski Bros. stuffed into the story for no apparent reason.

Did anybody REALLY think that jamming an ill-fitting love story inside an examination of violence and anarchy is going to bring in the Sex & The City crowd? Leave that crap on the cutting room floor, folks. V was just fine the way it was, thank you very much.

Having said that, I thought the film represented the spirit of the original text in a satisfying way. Sure, it traded in the cold war themes of the 80s for some good old fashioned post-911 paranoia, but to me, that was a laudable update. Although I would have been fine with a more literal translation of the text as well, because the cold war is near to my heart as well. I'm an old man, and that's fine.

The point is...it's the 5th of November. Get a little "V" into your life, shake things up, let the bastards know you're still alive, for crying out loud! (for the record, I'm advocating righteous indignation and mischief, not actual violence, which is a tool for the desperate and unclever for the most part. We are clever people!)

- Ryan

Olivia Munn Classic Bit

Here at Chronic Insomnia, we both love Olivia Munn. She's a really cool chick with great legs. She's also extremely funny. If any of you have seen the movie "Juno", then this clip will make you laugh. Otherwise it's still pretty funny.



Michael

Crossed # 7 Holy Shit it's intense!

Holy crap is this series depressing, gross and engaging all at the same time. If you haven't heard of this comic book, well you're missing out. The print run on this book is very tiny, so it's not like there's likely to be a huge stack at your LCS. But let me tell you, Garth Ennis hasn't slowed down in his shocking ways as he's gotten older, it seems like he's only ramped it up a few notches.

The story behind crossed is pretty simple. The world has spun into a nightmare, with insane, psychopathic zombies running around killing, raping and eating the "normal" humans. If this sounds like a bad world to live in, well you're right, these people are being torn apart mentally and physically as they try to survive this apocalypse. Stan, who is the narrator of the comic book is telling the story of his band of survivors as they travel across the country running from a group of crossed individuals. He is accompanied by his crush, Cindy, who is the pseudo leader of the group. She has taken it upon herself to keep the group safe, since she is traveling with her young son, Patrick. It's not expressed how old his is, but he looks to be about 9 or so.

I am not going to go into too many spoilers, but these people go through some serious levels of hell in this comic book series. It's not for the faint of heart and I wouldn't suggest this to anyone who doesn't like harsh language. Some of the things written and shown in this book, cause my stomach to turn a little and my mind to need cleaning. If any of you know me, this is not an easy feat, but it manages none the less. I read this book and feel like a shower afterwards. Does this automatically make it a great comic book, just because I feel like vomiting after reading it? Well that's part of it, but I also love how much we start to care for these people after a while. I will agree on one thing, it needs to come out more often, so my compassion for these people, can keep some momentum, but once this reaches TPB format, I would say RUN out and get it. It's fucking scary and gross in all the good ways.

Garth Ennis is a great storyteller and Jacen Burrows artwork is graphic enough to pull the whole thing together. If you like a good zombie type story, then this is your baby. It's not going to win any awards, but it's definitely going to stretch the boundaries of what is acceptable in mainstream comic books. Avatar isn't mainstream, but Garth Ennis is. Read this book and get on the crazy train with the rest of us. It's a great ride.

Michael

Zero Killer #4 Was It Worth The Wait?

To say that it's been a while since this comic came out last would be and understatement. I have been waiting for this book for over a year. I finally got it this last week and I wanted to find out if it was worth the wait.

For those of you who don't know anything about this book, and I don't blame you since it's been on hiatus for the past year or so, here is all you need to know.

It's been 34 years since a nuclear war destroyed the world. Zero lives in New York as a "Trash Man", hunting down renegade gang members and just trying to survive the rival gangs living throughout the cities skyscrapers. Zero also dreams of building a boat and escaping the underwater city to the mythical land of Africa, which rumors say has been spared from the nuclear fires.

In this fourth installment, Zero is hired to find a briefcase which was lost in New York (remind you of the "Escape from New York" premise, yeah me too), so Zero takes the job and has to sneak into a rival gangs skyscraper and steal this briefcase. What's in the briefcase you might ask, well read the damn book and find out. I am not going to spoil everything for everyone. Bottom line is that, even after over a year, I jumped right back into this book and was sucked in like a magnet.

It's not the greatest story every told, it's not going to win any awards, but it's a fun book with some delightfully gory segments and interesting ideas. The artwork is grainy and monotone and to me symbolizes the radiation and fallout left after a nuclear storm. I think the book looks great. The writing is decent and the idea, if not fresh, is at least somewhat fresh for the comic book market. Over all I enjoyed this book. Was it worth the wait, well probably not, but I'm glad it's back.

Artwork 4.5
Story 3

It's a decent book, good luck finding the back issues on this bitch though. The print run is smaller than my high school newspaper was. But if you can find it, and find it cheap, give it try, or just wait until the trade comes out and gobble it up then.

Michael

Blair Butler: Covergirl!

Here's the most compelling reason I've seen to dump $3.99 on a comic yet. And I don't always get along with that Didio cat. He gets the nod here for having the good sense to put the industry's # 1 Smartest, Slightly Saucy, Sexiest ambassador on a cover.

Really makes me want to spend the extra four trillion dollars a month for that expanded cable package so that I can watch G4 again. I surely do miss Blair Butler...

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Frankenstein's Womb

Frankenstein's Womb
Avatar - $6.99 SRP
Script: Warren Ellis
Pencils/Inks: Marek Oleksicki



Warren Ellis is a wonderful contradiction. Inside of that crotchety, irascible, chain smoking, whisky & Red Bull pounding, blustering facade is a very wide-eyed child deeply in love with all of the planet's inexplicable mysteries.

I remember visiting the Earle Brown elementary school library as a first grader and stumbling upon my first dinosaur book. What a revelation! All of the monsters I held at bay in my imagination with a night light at bedtime used to walk the planet!

I'm a rational and deeply skeptical person at heart, but the records don't lie - a LOT of ridiculously strange shit has happened on this planet, and it continues to happen all the time.

Sometimes it rains frogs. Sometimes a guy will fall out of an airplane without a chute and walk away with a slightly fractured shin. Sometimes aliens will shoot down a meteor for us so that it just hits the Tunguska area of the Soviet Union, instead of wiping out most of civilization.

This is the unifying thread that runs through most of Warren Ellis' bibliography, most keenly realized in Planetary. If you look carefully, past the curse words and the perverse pleasure he takes in the darkest corners of the human heart, there is an awe-filled tiny boy pointing out his newly discovered improbable truth. Ellis never let go of that spark I felt when I cracked my first dinosaur book. He's dedicated his life to that spark, which I find sort of charming.

When Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein, Europe was caught in the grips of what meteorologists now call the "little ice age". 1816 was called "The Year Without a Summer", mostly because it was bloody goddamned cold out all the time. It snowed throughout much of that summer, and that's just plain...weird. Quintessential Ellis material.

Since volleyball, swimming, and tanning were out of the question, Mary Wollestonecraft Godwin, (later to become Mary Shelley) Percy Shelley, Clair Claremont, and George Gordon Byron decided to stay indoors by the fire and compete to see who could write the best story. That was the origin of Frankenstein, and that's verified fact.

There are legends, though, that Mary Wollestonecraft Godwin visited Castle Frankenstein on a trip through Germany to Switzerland a few months prior. This is more difficult to corroborate. In 1816, Mary Godwin did not have a Twitter account to leave a footprint of the trip.

But some say that she did enter that castle alone, and Frankenstein's Womb is the story of what happened when she did.



Ellis makes the case through Frankenstein's monster that Mary Shelley's book gave birth to the modern age. I think that might be overstating the case, but it certainly had a profound impact on horror. For the first time we saw a monster created not through godly intervention or supernatural curses, or any other forces beyond human ken. This all too human. Frankenstein's monster was born from human reason gone wild. Science, manipulated electricity, and human hubris created the beast.

You can certainly see the impact that it made on Marvel Comics. Spider-Man? Irradiated spider in a lab. Hulk? Gamma bomb. Daredevil? Chemical spill. X-Men? They got done in because of all the background radiation floating about from the atomic age. We've been telling this story for a long time, and it all began with Mary Shelley.



The story itself is interesting enough, with the monster walking Mary through her future. This is not a mindless brute, either. The monster in this fable is true to the source, intelligent, and actually as interested in Mary's personal affairs as her social contribution. And I suppose that makes sense. She is his mother.

Marek Oleksicki's pencils are GORGEOUS. The book is in black and white, but I don't think it suffers for it. Olesicki is adept at capturing emotion in faces, and the pencils are very detailed. It reminded me a bit of Berni Wrightson, and I don't think I could give a higher complement than that.

And of course the carriage conversations are ripe with Warren's infamously fantastic dialogue. It's very difficult to make a phrase like "arse" sound clever. Warren has a gift for things like that.



I enjoyed Frankenstein's Womb, and if you like Warren Ellis, you'll like this. Unless you're in it for the gratuitous violence. Nary a punch is thrown in this one. It's a classic "what if" of the weird, equal parts horror and hope. The monster shows Mary a patient being revived with machinery and credits her with it.

And that's how Warren works - equal parts jaded bastard and wide-eyed child.

- Ryan