Damn Dirty Apes

Well, we now know the name of the next goddamn comics travesty…and it is Marvel Apes, hitting stands September 3.

Seriously? This is what the world needs right now?

Let's talk about the origins of this crime against humanity for a bit. Some inbred jackhole yelled the idea out across a sweat-saturated auditorium during a San Diego panel last year and Joe Quesada decided it was graphic gold.

Q. I need you to hear me. You are on a bad run, my friend. You need to take a step back and let the writers do your writing. (See: One More Day, Spider-Man)

But this isn't really about a D-Bag who made a bad joke that went too far. Clearly recognizing that the Zombie run is on its last fumes, (thank Christ for small favors), Marvel is attempting to assassinate the Golden Goose once again with this simian abomination.

I'm probably being too reactionary on this, but I felt like throwing up when I first read the story.

And to be fair, it is possible to salvage this piece of 4-color sewage. Most importantly, they need to acknowledge in the books themselves that this is a bad idea. It might work as satire. In the hands of somebody with more sophistication than Karl Kessel.

This could also work if they pull a Grant Morrissonian makeover and force us to feel something surprising for the Gibbon. If we can crawl inside this guy’s head and recognize something unique or greater than we thought, it can work as a character piece.

Finally, if they were to somehow play it straight and turn this bout of silliness into something that feels like a real threat, that would work. Recent history is really working against that, though. Who could feel anything now that we’ve experienced crisis after crisis after crisis after crisis….we're just too numb right now.

.

Get ready for this to suck giant pelican balls.

Oh, the variant excrement is already hitting us in full stride. My guess is that the Cable # 6 ape variant takes a little climb on September 4. Suckers.

Betting On The New Bat

I know we're headed toward Batman overdose here, but this is too good not to mention and the window may be short on this one.

I'm talking about events coming out of the extra excellent Batman: RIP. If you have any interest in Batman as a character and you're not reading this: GET ON IT.

I've been largely dissapointed with Grant Morrison's Batman run up to this point, but he's bringing it all together on RIP. Nobody knows for sure what R-I-P actually stands for, or what will happen to Bruce and the mantle of the Bat.

I won't ruin any more of the actual plot points. (I did some spoiling on the podcast about a month ago) I can say this - the story is taking Batman completely off the rails and taking the reader with him.

Everything is in question right now - and it's more fun than 99% of what's on the rack. There are precious few books that I genuinely can't wait to arrive so I can go home and devour them. Batman is one of those books right now.

Morrison is positively giddy about the clues he's left about Batman's fate and assures us of two things:
1) The ending of RIP is going to blow you away
2) You're going to slap yourself when you go back and look at all the clues he left you

DC has done a better than average job of keeping a lid on the specifics regarding Bruce Wayne and Batman at the end of RIP. What does seem probable is that Gotham is going to have somebody else wearing the mask.

And that's where Batman: Prodigal comes in. I think we've been waiting for Dick Grayson to step into this role for a good long time. And I think we're finally going to get it.

He's been groomed for the job since he was the Boy Wonder, and he's more than proven himself as Nightwing. If Batman is gone or is in any way unable to continue - Grayson's the man.

This scenario has played out before as an arc called "Prodigal" that ran through all of the Batman books and Robin back in 1994. Here's the checklist:

Batman #512-514
Batman: Shadow of the Bat # 32-34
Detective Comics # 679-681
Robin # 11-13

And the floppies are dirt cheap right now and a decent investment at this point. But if Nightwing does step in as the Batman, I really like the trade paperback. (ISBN 1563893347) Prodigal is not a cheap book right now - it's been a solid seller at $40+ for years.

But taking over as Batman pushes that solid gainer toward the $100 level. And I think it's better than a coin flip chance that it happens. Worst case scenario is that you have one of the most dependable easy sells in the out of print market.

But I think you have to move now before the rumor mill really starts churning.

-Ryan