Chronic Review: Marvel Universe Vs. Wolverine # 1!

Marvel Universe Vs. Wolverine # 1

Marvel Comics

Script:    Jonathan Maeberry

Pencils:  Laurence Campbell

22 pages for $3.99

Marvel Universe Vs. Wolverine is essentially the story of a belligerent, myopic prick slashing at problems that can't be solved with violence, and occasionally whining at the people doing actual, viable work.  Near as I can tell, this is the same affliction that Frank Castle had to deal with back when it was the Marvel Universe Vs. Punisher.  It's certainly the same writer at the helm.

I was lukewarm on that book, but this rendition is fairly excruciating.  I think the problem with MU Vs. Wolverine is the same thing that plagued MU Vs. Punisher...it wasn't any damn fun.  I'm not sure there's anything inside this book that could be considered an actual color, which makes the vibrant cover a bit of false advertising, you ask me.

More importantly, the story just lies there, waiting for something to kick it.  This is not an "in continuity" tale, why not go for broke?  Why not push the accelerator through the floor boards, have some conversations you can't have in The Avengers because it would be "too edgy", why not have Wolverine pair up with some completely unexpected character that just happens to be immune and have fun with it?  Imagine this - the world has gone completely ape shit, and now it's just Logan and Shatterstar (alien biology protects him) going underground, trading witty banter, engaging in copious stress-relieving sex.  Wouldn't you read that book?  I'd buy two copies, $3.99 be damned.

Instead, we get a childish, churlish Wolverine snapping off sophomoric and uninteresting barbs at real adults doing grown-up stuff to properly solve a medical problem.  Hard to say for sure, but since Wolverine is the protagonist of the piece, I think we're meant to cheer for Logan and his dick waving.  We're supposed to pound our chest and relate when Wolverine talks about Reed Richards doing "nerd stuff" instead of getting down and dirty on the streets.

You know, because epidemics are usually quelled by waiting for infected folks to show up and then stabbing them in the face with your adamantium claws.  Take that, geeks, I'm making a difference out here!  Oh, I almost forgot, Wolverine also takes Psylocke into.....well, we don't know where they are, but it's definitely underground, so that they can grab some "files".  Does Maeberry introduce this mission, or give any indication about what those files contain or how they might apply to the "zombie" situation?  Nah.

That whole scene exists for two reasons.  The first purpose is to demonstrate that Wolverine is actually doin' stuff while stuffed shirts like Hank McCoy are busy twiddling their dongs and you know, trying to diagnose the problem and find a cure.  The second purpose is to introduce the mystery flying character that eats Psylocke.  Wolverine can't smell who it might be, though.  So much for the man of action getting shit done on the streets, yo.

Most everybody is out of character in this book.  Ben Grimm tells an incredibly off-color and mean spirited joke about how Angel must be "Angel food" since he hasn't checked in lately.  No, man.  I'm afraid that as gruff as he may be, Aunt Petunia taught Ben better than that.  Meanwhile, Reed Richards...who has a test subject sequestered in the Baxter building, decides that in order to get to the bottom of things he may need to check out the Global News Network.  Which near as I can tell is the equivalent of Stephen Hawking looking up some black hole stuff on Wikipedia.  Was anybody editing this?

I could forgive any or all of that if the overall package contained some spark of energy, fun, or humor.  (I call this a Millar exemption)  But the closest we get to the book escaping Dour Tower is truly dreadful dreck like this:

The two-headed color commentators at the Phantom Menace pod race think that joke sucks.

I'm not sure if MU Vs. Wolverine constitutes a wasted opportunity or a thing that never should have been.  The Punisher series went nowhere sales-wise, what was the impetus other than glutting for glut's sake?  This could have and should have been a balls-out joyride of out-of-continuity mayhem.  What we got was sour, colorless rat of a thing that fails all logic and most characterizations.  Yechh.

This is a poster child frowning a warning to Marvel about publishing rationale.  Needless to say it's warning that will go unheeded.  The only thing the House of Ideas likes more than milking the diminishing returns of a past winner is not milking the non-returns of a real dog.  I fully expect Marvel to tap Maeberry for a tortorous Marvel Universe Vs. Moon Knight as soon as Bendis is done with his turn to fail with the property.  So....see y'all in about three months, right?

- Ryan 

Entropy Week: Marvel Universe vs. The Punisher # 1!

Marvel Universe Vs. The Punisher # 1
Marvel Comics
Script: Jonathan Maeberry
Pencils: Goran Parlov
23 pages for $3.99

Welcome to entropy week, kids! I sat down and read my comics this week, and I enjoyed most of them to some degree, but couldn't help but notice a sudden desire to drink a tall glass of blowfish toxin and just end the suffering of it all.

Now granted, part of the problem is my personal taste and my personal collecting habits. I'm a card carrying cynic, and I buy comics with a darker tone, and so I chain-read Crossed, Nancy in Hell, and Marvel Universe Vs. The Punisher. So part of it is me.

But part of it isn't. I'm not really being controversial here. We're jaded. We don't believe in anything any more, and the racks are choked with our disillusionment. Ever notice that "Brightest Day" is filled with just as many horrible atrocities as "Blackest Night?" If Aquaman summoning uncontrollable zombie sea creatures is bright, there's a problem.

Have you noticed that the "Heroic Age" over at Marvel is nothing more than a banner at the top of the books designed to increase sales, signifying nothing? We wouldn't know what to do with heroism any more. It would come off as lame at best, but really just insincere.

What we understand in the 21st century is cynicism, two-faced political rhetoric, souls as commodities, everything as commodities, and pain. That's what we can buy. And that's what we're sold.

So here we have Marvel Universe Vs. The Punisher, and just to be clear, I enjoyed this book and don't have a problem with it. But it's a downer. A mysterious virus has caused the population to become rabid, violent bastards. You know, just like 28 Days Later, Marvel Zombies, Crossed, and 15 different things you've seen in the past two weeks. The idea is so played at this point that Reed Richards knows that you know all this, and has to describe how this virus is different.

Do you see what I mean, though? There's so much of this trope floating around right now, Marvel is forced to sell you on the concept that their latest concoction is ever so slightly different. The real story here isn't copyright infringement, it's the idea that collectively, as a group, we've decided that the end feels nigh. Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold. And it feels like the shit's coming down, man.

The book itself is passable or better. I've never heard of Jonathan Maeberry before, but he's producing professional grade work. The hook is strong. The world is collapsing, and Frank Castle is trying to pick up the pieces. Again, I don't know if Maeberry is a newbie or not, but the classic rookie mistake is to overwrite - try flashbacks, dip into purple prose to demonstrate chops. Maeberry understands that less is more, particularly with a book like this.

I really appreciated the opening scene with Deadpool, actually. Frank puts a couple of rounds in him, chops him up into pieces and scatters them. It's the 33rd time he's had to kill Deadpool. The first layer of the joke is that it fits with the character, because Wade's regenerative. I think the second layer is a shot at Pool's overexposure. No matter how many times he's beaten into the ground....there he is again! Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but I doubt it. I think Maeberry's got a little subversive streak in him, and I enjoyed it.

This is not particularly deep, nor was it designed to be. The objective appears to be a "tortured soul against the world", and it excels at that. If you liked "Road Warrior" or Marvel Zombies, you're bound to enjoy this. There's no reason in the world why this should cost $3.99 an issue, by the way. Just sayin'.

There's a definite dearth of hope in this comic, which is understandable. It's apocalyptic, for crying out loud. In 2010 we expect our governments or big business to create some crap that will destroy everything. We expect that we've bitten off more than we can chew, and the virus won't be stopped. We expect to lose now.

Is that sad, or is that what we need to make change? It felt sad to me today. It makes me want to read some Straczynski Superman or something. Maybe that guy is on to something....

- Ryan