Chronic Review: Dungeons & Dragons # 0!

Dungeons & Dragons # 0
IDW Comics
Scripts: John Rogers/Alex Irvine
Pencils: Andrea Di Vito/Peter Bergting
16 pages for $1.00

This is a specially priced preview of two books: A Dungeons & Dragons title with the typical Tolkein-inspired swords + sorcery, and a Dark Sun story with similar elements set in a more physically punishing environment.

I sometimes wonder how much crossover there is between the role-playing community and the comic book herd. Nerds of a feather? I've certainly indulged in both, and it isn't unusual to see RPG supplies sold under the same roof as comic books. I guess in that sense, and Dungeons & Dragons license makes more sense than say, Gears of War. Even though video games carry a much larger built in audience, what are the odds that you buy them in the same joint as your comics?

The first half of the book, written by John Rogers and pencilled by Andrea Di Vito is mostly tolerable. If the introduction is any true barometer of what they plan to do with the series, expect a train of non-stop action punctuated by attempted wit and winks at old school gamers.

The party consists of a human fighter, a dwarf, a halfling, an elf, and the group picks up a female mage while slashing through the dungeon crawl. These are all very comfortable icons, and this comic rarely strayed from the expected.

The only item that pushed the needle toward interest for me was a scene in which the tough as nails fighter Adric was able to read secret runes off a door frame. Everything else is quite stock, by-the-numbers, and well-travelled. Khal the Dwarf and Varis the elf banter in the exact same manner that you'd expect Gimli and Legolas to spar with each other.

This isn't just a Tolkein retread, though, the comic is littered with nods to the AD&D gaming experience. The thief detects the trap and lies about how much treasure is on the bodies. The magic user wears no armor and like to chuck "old reliable", the magic missile. The group plows through a dungeon as if they're playing through an old module. The only thing missing are captions at the top telling you who won initiative for the round. I think those were smart moves. If you're going to use the license and hopefully attract the source clientele, it's probably best to demonstrate that you know the trappings and culture.

In fact, they even tossed in a little treat for us old folks. Bree Three Hands actually climbs up the statue featured on the old Players Handbook and pries off a ruby eye!

And while that did make me smile, that's only treasure enough for me to wish somebody else would buy this book and show me appropriate panels from time to time. For me, there isn't enough story here to warrant spending the $3.99 is will certainly take to buy an issue.

While there were some appreciated trinkets for crotchety old bastards like myself, I think that Dungeons & Dragons is actually in a younger gamer's wheelhouse. Once you've plowed through enough books and movies to understand that everything inside this comic has been done before and better, the magic is gone. But it's fun, paced quickly, and I think a young gamer will find enough of themselves and their gaming experiences inside to relate and hook into it.

Incidentally- the less said about the Dark Sun half of the book, the better. I call it "The Hot Goodbye", because of the similarities between the vengeance story here and the first arc of Sin City. The difference being that Marv said and did interesting things, while Grudvik simply repeats that he "isn't a slave" over and over again while hitting things in the least visually dynamic way possible. Hoo boy.

This comic wasn't even trying. I can forgive sketchy art and a straight vengeance plot - there's nothing new under the sun, fine, and I'm not really qualified to be an art critic. But what the hell is this panel? No emotion or real information is conveyed because we can't see the speaker. And why? WHY??? So we can get a good shot at that awesomely detailed cart? That luscious cityscape? It's an embarassment in comic storytelling. Yech.

So that's that. Dungeons & Dragons appears to be a serviceable and fun but uninspired fantasy adventure that should probably play well to a young gaming crowd. And I'm giving a radioactive warning on Dark Sun.

The truly scary thing is that this is an intro comic. They priced it dirt cheap as a loss leader to get into as many hands as possible. You know this ahead of time, so you prepare to put your best foot forward. It's like a first date, or a job interview. Dark Sun decided not to shower, then went to its interview with sweat pants and a dried booger on its t-shirt. You sir.....are not hired.

- Ryan

Chronic Interview: Anthony Del Col of Kill Shakespeare!

Kill Shakespeare
IDW Comics
Scripts: Anthony Del Col & Conor McCreery
Pencils/Inks: Andy Belanger

If you're a character in a Shakespearean play, the odds are good that life...is a bitch. In heat. With advanced rabies.

Take Hamlet, for example. His father is dead and he killed the wrong guy in revenge. His mother won't speak to him, there's no Zoloft to curb his anxiety, he's hallucinating, and now he's being exiled to England.

Things look pretty bleak for Hamlet, but a "chance" meeting with Richard III proves that he is not alone. Richard offers him his father back, and a chance to get at the real source of their problems. You see, there's a mad wizard beyond the veil running things like a sadistic dictator - and it's time to Kill Shakespeare!

Intrigued yet? You should be. This is a hook so epic it created a new segment on Chronic Insomnia # 136: The Buzz Book. Kill Shakespeare has continued to buzz at high volume since issue # 1 hit the stands on April 14. Frank Miller's girlfriend (and noted Shakespearean scholar) Kimberly Cox called it a stinking turd of a comic book that made her want to throw up in her mouth on Bleeding Cool.

But Aint it Cool News declares that "...Kill Shakespeare will probably please each and every one of you out there", and Mike Carey says that "...McCreery and Del Col get it gloriously right".

There's a small schism of opinion on Kill Shakespeare, is what I'm saying. So what's the real story? Find out on Chronic # 141 when we interview Kill Shakespeare co-creator/writer Anthony Del Col!

This isn't just about comics, folks. This is a group that raised $350,000 in capital for the project, and possibly have an eye toward world domination. We're talking about writers accused of Shakespearean ignorance who went through 16 researched drafts of the first issue and launched their enterprise the month William Shakespeare was baptised and buried. We're talking about a battle between Froofery and Lunch Bucketry at it's finest.

How fun is that? Listen to the next episode of the show, and grab a copy of Kill Shakespeare # 2 on 5/19 to find out for yourself!

- Ryan

Chronic Review: Pantheon # 1

Pantheon # 1
IDW Comics
Script: Mark Andreyko
Pencils: Stephen Molnar
22 pages for $3.99

I don't know why every washed up actor or rock star believes they need a comic book. But apparently, they do. Me, I'm willing to give anybody a shot. Show me you got the chops, I'll acknowledge it. And every once in awhile, some dude from My Chemical Romance will pop out of the woodwork and produce the Umbrella Academy. So it isn't out of the question for some pseudo star to produce viable work. I think the difference is that Umbrella Academy isn't some schlep with a marketing gimmick trying to boost album sales or trying to save us lowly comics folks from ourselves with his glorious presence. (Tyrese Gibson, I'm looking at you, kid) When a Gerard Way or a Jonathan Ross shows up with a child-like glee, good things can happen.

But it's rare. For every Umbrella Academy, I can think of a host of ridiculous failures: Dominatrix, Mayhem, Incarnate, Voodoo Child, Shadowhunter, Berserker...we could do this all day.

And truth in advertising - Michael Chiklis is claiming nothing more than a co-creator credit. So whether it's good or bad, we can't hang much of it on Vic Mackey. So with that out of the way, what's Pantheon all about, and how does it shake out compared to the other "star" creations?

Pantheon is a bit of a mess, but it appears to focus mainly on Hamilton Finch, who likes old stuff. Apparently, he's just a regular dude who got himself aboard a pirate vessel so he could squirrel away a few items for himself, so they weren't scratched or damaged or something. Think of him as Indiana Jones, only without being interesting or competent.

Somehow this whole pirate raid on "Old Miami" has something to do with a terrorist attack on Greece, which has mysteriously come up with a previously unknown oil patch. Because you know, Exxon didn't really put many resources into that sort of thing, so these babies are hiding everywhere.

Somewhere at the bottom of the Grecian blast a rescue worker opens Pandora's box, which launches sparks across the globe, and a piece of that hits Old Miami just as good old Ham is being eaten by a shark, which was the closest thing to entertainment this comic provided! Get that annoying little shit, Jaws!!!


As it turns out, the site the pirates were about to raid before it was bombarded with Pandora Particles features....Zeus! Dun! Dun! DUNNNN! Zeus looks remarkably like Michael Chiklis. Only with a beard. Very weird. The word "hubris" comes to mind...but I'm not sure it's big enough.


At any rate, Zeus saves Mr. Finch from entering the belly of the beast (doh!) and brings him into his house. Presumably because they share a fancy for antiques.


Listen, this is childish paycheck comics at its worst. Marc Andreyko can write, too, folks. Go check out Manhunter and you'll see what I mean. Pantheon is a "mystery" comic, and its the bastion of a lot of really, really, really weak writing. Go check out Spawn: Endgame and you'll see what I mean.

When an author can't make something interesting, they'll either make it gratuitous (via sex or violence) or they will shroud the story in "secrets". As though confusion or ignorance is any kind of substitute for quality. Ooooh, what's that spark that came out of the box? Who is responsible for that terrorist attack that happened to nobody we care about in a country we don't care about? Why is Zeus sitting in Miami?

We don't care. If Zeus said or did anything entertaining, we might care. If the "high gas price" world Andreyko created was in any way fresh or novel, we might care. If Hamilton ever broke out of a cliche or said something witty, maybe we might give a shit. Jane Goodall jokes? Five more minutes, mom? No. Thanks for playing, but no. Your "mystery" lays dead, because the audience requires some investment to wonder about the principals. We don't care.

You want to know how to do a mystery book? Go find Y the Last Man. Every male animal in the world drops stone dead except two? Yeah, now I'm interested. Yorick and Agent 355 were fully developed characters who behaved in a manner that caught the attention, surprised, made one laugh, and developed. THAT'S how you write a mystery book.

This is nonsense. The "Gods on Earth" schtick is fine, but it's been done, so you better bring some zest with you if you're going to do it. This is cliche soup with a "B" actor's name attached to it. For $4 a pop. I'll pass, thank you.

- Ryan